Jump to content

Useless Advice

Recommended Posts

Buy plenty of spare needles for your record player, and remember not to leave your head out in the sun(Warping has ruined several of my heads).

 

If I'm me, and you're you, then where the fuck is the van?

I'm in a good mood... on the internet... better enjoy it while it lasts.

Share this post


Link to post

Put them in your pocket, and carry around a long metal rod.

 

How do I get this freakin' sniper?

I'm in a good mood... on the internet... better enjoy it while it lasts.

Share this post


Link to post

Earn a lot of money, and then pay him.

 

What do I need to do to make the average person think of bats more like the Flying Fox variety, instead of the Vampiric variety?

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

Teach foxes how to fly. Perform experiments to determine the aerodynamic properties of foxes at supersonic speeds. Write a reasearch paper about it.

 

How can I get more sleep?

Share this post


Link to post

Take a lot of Valium... The more the better.

 

How do I get people to do things they tend to not want to do?

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

First you acquire a dozen eggs (all fresh from a golden chicken),a computer, printer, scanner, and photoshop. Trust me on this. First, scan all 12 eggs, lid shut. Then with Photoshop, you edit the scanned result, to look like the golden chicken. Print off the image, and hand it to the golden chicken. He will then shit out instructions for the task you want the people to do.

 

 

How do I sleep when I'm not tired?

Quote

"We don't call them loot boxes", they're 'surprise mechanics'" - EA

 

Share this post


Link to post

Walk on your head. Should send enough blood to your brain you suffer a reverse blackout.

 

My laptop just shot a foul-smelling fluid in my face.

I USED TO DREAM ABOUT NUCLEAR WAR

Share this post


Link to post

That's perfectly normal... Pat it on the back, and shut it down for the night. It'll stop with the foul stuff in a few years.

 

Cameras are trying to steal people's souls, but they haven't done anything with mine... Why?

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

There are two possible reasons. You were either born without the Delta Brainwave, and the cameras cannot access your soul, or they did an analysis of you and concluded it wasn't worth bothering.

 

I fell over and now my hands and feet are hooves.

I USED TO DREAM ABOUT NUCLEAR WAR

Share this post


Link to post

Congrats, you are now a horse.

 

I need more money and a better printer so I can print professional-grade Magic the Gathering cards...

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

Seeing as you have no problem with counterfeits, get counterfeit money to get the better printer.

 

 

I'm hungry, but there's nothing to eat at the house. Alright, there's things in the house to eat, if I was willing to cook em, but I'm not, and I don't have the money to eat out, and I do have a problem with counterfeit money, so what do?

Quote

"We don't call them loot boxes", they're 'surprise mechanics'" - EA

 

Share this post


Link to post

Take your dog for one last walk...

 

Also, take up the guitar and go busking. Earn moneys, buy food

 

Help, I'm trapped in a Nicolas Cage movie!

I USED TO DREAM ABOUT NUCLEAR WAR

Share this post


Link to post

Just say "I'll be back... Yippee ki yay motherfuckers... I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favourite ass in this movie..." then take off your pants and do the pee-pee dance. If they don't kick you out of the movie immediately, it's probly going to be one you'll enjoy.

 

The Monopoly money just got me laughed at, should I try Rail Baron money instead?

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

No that'll get the same reaction. You want to use chocolate coins. Be sure to ONLY peel half of them.

 

Every time I play the medic we don't need one but the moment I go something else everyone starts taking a ton of damage. What do I do?

Retired Forum Moderator

Share this post


Link to post

Stop playing the game... That'll show them for thwarting your healing ambitions, then rubbing it in your face!

 

Do you think that semi-counterfeiting Magic the Gathering cards for personal use only is going to get me in trouble with someone? If so, how do I get out of it without having to spend any money?

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

You don't need it, so get rid of it.

 

I'm tired... I don't want to sleep though... Any suggestions?

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

Go and get a treasure map.

 

I'm torn between eating one thing i like and one thing i also like but i can only eat one.OMG WHAT DO?

"FUCK YOU REALITY!!YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT!!!"

"Hark! Dost thou hear with thine ears what I hear with mine? Interloper! No quarter shall be shown hither, fiend! Anon! Show thyself, churl!"

http://myanimelist.net/profile/MantisDude

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in the community.

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

This website uses cookies, as do most websites since the 90s. By using this site, you consent to cookies. We have to say this or we get in trouble. Learn more.