Useless Advice

[Psychotic Ninja]

Get both, that way there's no worrying.

 

 

Still no wifi, vacuum cleaner trick didn't work, what went wrong?

[danielsangeo]

You must've used a porous bag and all the Wi-Fi seeped out. Try using an Wi-Fi-tight container next time.

 

I can't find a template for these printable DVD covers I bought. What do?

[BTGBullseye]

Just skip the covers, and print directly to the DVDs... You don't need a format for that.

 

I need a new computer, but I can't afford to buy one...

[Ikthias]

Craigslist

 

how should i mount my motherboard to the wall?

[Psychotic Ninja]

@Daniel, thanks for the advice, that really worked

 

@Ikthias With a staple gun.

 

 

How do I get more sleep, without going to bed earlier and without being late for work?

[BTGBullseye]

It's called caffeine... Just use it in place of all sleep, and you're good to go. (until you get hospitalized, then stop)

 

I need to find ways to stop posting on this forum...

[Psychotic Ninja]

Get your arms removed, now no more posting.

 

 

Help! I think I killed someone, how do I wash blood out of the carpet?

[danielsangeo]

 

 

 

What's the best way to stop getting hangnails?

[Binky The Rabbit]

Stop buying them at your local store. QED.

 

 

How do I make Spring happen in Newcastle?

[Scampi]

You must find a metal wire and coil it.

 

I have the motor and wiring from an old angle grinder. What could I use it for?

[Selfsurprise]

Attach a bog brush to it and hey presto! You've got yourself a heavy duty toothbrush!

 

I suffer from half-lycanthropy. Every full moon, the left side of my body transforms into a nightmarish lupine beast whilst the right side remains exactly the same. Any advice on how to cope with this affliction?

[Jeb_CC]

Wear half a sleeping bag, every full moon, just for that beast side.

 

I want my tea but it's cold! What should I do?

[Binky The Rabbit]

Travel to Krakatoa. Only in its firey chaos can you find the microwave suitable to reheat your tea.

 

Help! My house is trying to kill me!

[Zaraki]

Go buy yourself a flamethrower.

 

Where can I get a hardback copy of "The Longest Night"?

[BTGBullseye]

Nowhere! Why would you ask that? That is the worst thing you could possibly ask! Do you want to kill us all or something?

 

I can't stop procrastinating! Help!

[PriestOfJudas]

Keep procrastinating until it feels like you're putting in an effort into it.

 

How do I get fossilized gunk out of a dead person's toes?

[Jeb_CC]

Consult the Egyptians.

 

How do I make my work shifts more fun?

[danielsangeo]

Make your home life more boring than your work shifts, and your work shifts will look more fun by comparison.

 

How do I get more sleep? I keep waking up before the alarm but I'm still tired.

[Binky The Rabbit]

Steal the sleep from your housemate and seal your eyelids with it.

 

Help! There's butter seeping out of my walls!

[BTGBullseye]

That's what fire is for... Butter is simply nature's accelerant.

 

I'm craving butter, but I don't want butter, what should I do?