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Useless Advice

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Don't be so xenophobic to illegal aliens you racist, sexist, mexicanophobic, bigot, they have every right to shoot up your ride you cis scu- **gunshots**

 

just go piss on their graves

 

I'm trying to lay low, but the landlord has informed me my rent is late. How do I pay it back

Non Nobis Domine, Non Nobis, Sed Nomine, tuo da Glorium

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you can try to pay with your liver. the spleen works too.

 

my dogs acting crazy, what should I do?

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Shoot arrows into the wall to improvise a ladder.

 

How do I get a gf?

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Become a majestic 13 or higher

 

My canoe has capsized and there are crocodiles around. What do I do?

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Eat the crocodiles.

 

I am sneaking into Lord Bafford's Manor, how to I get into the third floor?

Non Nobis Domine, Non Nobis, Sed Nomine, tuo da Glorium

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cut a hole on the celing of the second floor, or the floor of the fourth floor.

 

somebody ate my pizza, how do I find out who did it?

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*Wipes pizza sauce off of face* It was your neighbor, trust me on this.

 

Help! I need to hide certain evidence of something I did, what do?

Quote

"We don't call them loot boxes", they're 'surprise mechanics'" - EA

 

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put it in a black dude's car.

 

This mechanist thing keeps stalking me, how do I stop it?

Non Nobis Domine, Non Nobis, Sed Nomine, tuo da Glorium

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Go into a dark alleyway. Stalkers hate that.

 

I'm being hunted by a helicopter. What do I do?

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Give yourself up you communist! You can not escape Pinochet

 

How do I defeat the Sentinel?

Non Nobis Domine, Non Nobis, Sed Nomine, tuo da Glorium

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Covenant plasma weapons work well.

 

I'm in a car chase with the police, how do I get rid of them?

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Make a union hymn LP with the Almanac Singers.

 

How to I walk on water?

There are four lights!

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! Simple really, first, swim to the shallow end, and repeatedly punch the wall until you fall and land on the ground, you'll be fine.

 

Halp! There's this giant fish that wants to eat me in Hob, how to I kill it?

Quote

"We don't call them loot boxes", they're 'surprise mechanics'" - EA

 

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Wear sandals made from cork!

 

 

Edit: ninja'd

Blow bubbles. This will block the fish's view of you allowing for a safe escape.

 

How do I cut onions without stinging my eyes?

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Yank out your eyes first, soak them in cold water, so you can safely put them back in when you're finished.

 

 

Help, people keep on getting ninja'd by me, how do I stop this?

Quote

"We don't call them loot boxes", they're 'surprise mechanics'" - EA

 

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First you take a rope, and you tie it into a noose, then you....

 

I'm trying to defeat this dude with throwing knives, but he moves too fast. What do?

Non Nobis Domine, Non Nobis, Sed Nomine, tuo da Glorium

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Change your username to Psychotic monkey. Then they'll get monkey'd by you instead.

 

Edit: ninja'd

 

Throw all of your knives at once. Nobody can dodge all of that!

 

Help, My sons on drugs, how do I sober him up?

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