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Old James Madsen's gone now. Even my unnecessarily verbose vocabulary can't think up the words I want to say about it, so I'll just say that I'm sad right now. He was a good man. We swapped work stories. I guess in my case it was volunteering, but I'm getting off topic. And I was hoping to show him something I was working on pretty much just to show him I could.

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Someone who's been apart of my life for as long as I can remember and was like a brother to me commit suicide 2 days ago.

 

I'm probably not gonna be on much, I need some time alone.

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Someone who's been apart of my life for as long as I can remember and was like a brother to me commit suicide 2 days ago.

 

I'm probably not gonna be on much, I need some time alone.

Terribly sorry to hear that, mate. :( Hope their family and friends will be okay.

*Pats back*

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Someone who's been apart of my life for as long as I can remember and was like a brother to me commit suicide 2 days ago.

 

I'm probably not gonna be on much, I need some time alone.

 

 

tumblr_nhq9pdfHzJ1rl53x2o2_500.gif

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Jesus Christ,man. :cry: I am so sorry.

If you need to talk to somebody,we're here for you,Blighty.

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Thank you. I'm feeling a little better now. It's still hard to accept and I think that isn't going to change for a long time. His suffering is over but I just wish it didn't have to end like that.

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That's good to hear. I hope things get better soon for everyone involved.

 

OT:

 

Not sure what to do lately... I'm tired all the time and mood swings just suck hard. I think I really need to see a therapist/psychologist but the likelihood of that happening anytime soon is just soooo low. I mean I can't even get my mother to take me to the doctors for my jaw problem, let alone convince her I need some mental help. And I'm probably not helping myself in that regards, I always have this mask on around my parents - it's an apathetic 'I don't care anymore' mask which just makes me look like a rebellious emo child but whatever, it keeps most of their judgement away.

You'd think I'd be more happy, I don't have work/school, I'm getting money from friends, but nope. I just feel guilty. I feel like shit. I sleep 10 hours a day, I barely eat anything cause the appetite is just not there, and despite having the internet, I'm bored.

And I'm stuck in this stupid cycle. I tell myself; "Eat more, you'll feel better", "Start exercising, you'll feel better", but I can't motivate myself to do that. It's tiring. Blrghrr...

 

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My employers and coworkers are indefensibly incompetent, and as a result the former group are resorting to shamelessly desperate moves that reek of procrastination and shortsightedness in order to try and get me to do yet more overtime. Despite having worked sixteen days solid without a single day off, my section leader wanted to me go in an do a shift today and tomorrow - Tuesdays and Wednesdays are effectively my "weekend" if that makes any sense, and I'm rather happy with that arrangement.

 

I offered to do so long as I could have Thursday and Friday off instead, which I thought was reasonable given the amount of extra hours I've done for over two weeks now. Unfortunately, because he and several other managers have been bugging me for the last month or so to come in and do YET MORE OVERTIME during some holiday I have scheduled in September that was signed off last year in December - which I have flatly stated that I'm not interested in, and on this particular day made it clear that this barrage of requests was getting boring - he and I weren't our usual amicable selves.

 

He got all huffy when I made the suggestion of switching my shifts around to accommodate the shortfall, so when I tried to compromise by saying "can I at least have Thursday off then?" he told me to "forget about it" and thundered back upstairs to the office. My only other two colleagues that day were then mysteriously sent home an hour early despite their being plenty of stock and force-picking to do. Clearly I've been doing the department and the benevolent leaders of Asda too many favours lately!

 

Also, we were supposed to get two new seasonal workers last Saturday in order to replace five members of the departments team who are no longer with us with various reasons. One lady who is also one of the best workers we have is finishing soon because she is going back to university. Another guy (who was a waste of oxygenated air anyway) left us a few weeks ago to go and be utterly redundant in another job. Another guy was sacked for stealing energy drinks and leaving his empty cans on the chiller racking, he was also training to be a section leader no less! Finally there are two guys are currently off sick with "depression" - including one guy who keeps threatening to kill himself every time the company contacts him to get updated on his status.

Neither one of the avowed seasonal staff showed up. Pretty auspicious start to their careers wouldn't you say! They'll fit right in with the produce crew.

 

 

 

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I wish I could go back in time and punch out my younger self.

Glad I'm not the only one to have had this impossible-to-alleviate urge... :lol:

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So it must have been a few months since I last logged in here or Discord, so how am I feeling? Dreadful, just fucking dreadful.

 

For the past months, ever since I've been getting anxiety attacks more frequently. It's making me feel withdrawn socially, it's affecting my thinking, I sound like a mumbling mess, the worse part is it's preventing me from finish THIS FUCKING THESIS AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME TO FINISH THIS SHIT. This aching feeling in my head telling "WHAT THE FUCK? YOUR WORK IS SHIT. WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE YOUR CLASSMATES?" It's keeping me from ever progressing. I've been crying more often than before, been drinking more just so I could sleep, even attempted to hang myself a few times, and I would do it again and again just to get out of this fucking hell I feel. I'm sorry if this seemed so heavy, but I'M TIRED, I'M SO FUCKING TIRED AND I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I JUST HOPE I DON'T WAKE UP TOMORROW

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Just hang in there everyone. I know life sucks at times, but that's why you have to cherish the good moments that life has to offer.

I can not partake in Venting. There is a lot of anger and hate locked up deep inside me, and I keep it locked in there for good, as I know if I was ever to vent about life and everything that my anger would flood oceans, and would drown me into nothingness if I was ever to let it out.

I try to stay optimistic in life, as it's better to be that and wrong, than be a pessimistic snob and be right all the time.

Just hang in there buddies: Just remember that Someone, Somewhere, wishes s/he could be in your shoes right now.

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Hey AP_Pastor, go see a counsellor or someone. Like Selous Templar said, life is shit sometimes. But the negatives don't last forever.

And you can try simple remedies for the anxiety, CBT, tea, medication, music.

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I guess I should do a follow up on my last vent. A couple of things happened since then, and thankfully it ain't bad.

 

I finally finished my thesis! and it turns out I got a lot of good grades this semester than I realized. This must be what vindication feels like lmao! Anyway, I'm just glad I got this shit over with. I'm at my semester break at the moment, so I'm now unwinding for the 1st time in months, do the stuff i've been wanting to do for a while! I mentioned in another post about this girl i fell for but is taken by some douche, I'm still coming to terms with that, it still fucking hurts, but i'm trying not to let it ruin my vibe.

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Currently crashing off of the Adderall that I took because I needed to finish a ton of homework for today. I am stressed beyond belief, haven't spoken to my girlfriend in 4 days, not even over the phone, though that's partly on her. I've had six hours sleep in the past 3 days and I still have to write an analytical book review for my history class tomorrow, so today isn't even close to being over. My personality has changed drastically from how I've been interacting with my roommates. I had a minor mental breakdown last Tuesday night as well. I feel strangely inhuman and I just want to be done with this fucking shit right now.

 

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Oh also I've got some pretty kickin bronchitis

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Preparing to start University.

After everything I've heard about it from all you folk, and how much it's affected you, I'm a bit dreading of the future, so I gotta hope for the best, and work my ass off. Might not be as active on the servers from that.

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Preparing to start University.

After everything I've heard about it from all you folk, and how much it's affected you, I'm a bit dreading of the future, so I gotta hope for the best, and work my ass off. Might not be as active on the servers from that.

 

You won't be as active, I can assure you of that. But it's not the most horrendous thing. Join a club, meet some people, do some (responsible) underage drinking, maybe have some casual sex, maybe get a gf/bf. The campus is your world is your oyster my dude. It's a good time if you put in the effort to get involved.

 

And it will get stressful at points. Big projects and exams will all seem to come in the same week. Your caffeine intake will increase 10-fold. You'll learn what it's like to not sleep for 50 hours. But it's all worth it because at the end of 4 years of extreme highs and lows, you'll get a piece of paper that tells you you're smart

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Join a club, meet some people, do some (responsible) underage drinking, maybe have some casual sex, maybe get a gf/bf. The campus is your world is your oyster my dude.

Haw, I'll see about that. Don't drink though, stuff tastes awful. Also dunno about casual sex, cos I'm pretty catholic when it comes to that (not in the pedophile way)

 

And it will get stressful at points. Big projects and exams will all seem to come in the same week. Your caffeine intake will increase 10-fold. You'll learn what it's like to not sleep for 50 hours. But it's all worth it because at the end of 4 years of extreme highs and lows, you'll get a piece of paper that tells you you're smart

Don't drink coffee, but I can already think about late nights. Thanks for the words of confidence tho.

Already know what it's like to sleep for 50 hours.

I played Quake 1-4 total a while ago. Had hallucinations.

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