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a story reply to kaweebo's what if post FM corssed CP

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Ok here's how I see it going down. Mike and Dave are standing up on building talking (like they always do) about an uprising in some town, and how it's so dumb to "join the rebel cause", when all of a sudden they see this girl (Alex) climbs up on a building and start yelling to someone. They remark how "hot" and "fine" she is, then they see a CP. Dave says "Hey is that John?" then "John" goes up behind her grabs her and gets shot. They're like "Holy crap!" and leave before they're seen. They talk about what just happed and move on with their patrol. After an argument about how if humans could fly, how would they do it, they get a call over the radio to go to an uprising somewhere. They don't reply and keep on with their conversation. Later they get another call about an attack on a major rebel base at a destroyed bridge, (episode 2 reference) which they also ignore and keep going.

 

Later that day while walking to the top of a warehouse, they see a bunch of CP's in a crowded area on the bottom floor having a coffee break, and they decide a doughnut sounds good. So they head to the stairwell and start talking about what type of doughnut would be good, but before they get to the bottom, they hear a bunch of weird noises. That's when Mike says, “Is Gallagher in town or something? That noise is so annoying!” When they reach the bottom, they see that everyone's dead. That's when Dave says, “There was a bunch of CP's drinking coffee here a moment ago, right?” Mike says “Yeeah...” Dave continues by saying “Now everyone’s dead...” Mike responds “...yeeah.” After a moment of silence Dave asks, “What did this?” but before he can finish, Mike turns around and walks away saying, “Hell if I want to find out...” so they leave.

Later they're on a bridge watching a bunch of CP's fighting rebels in the distance. Both of them are 'sorta' cheering on the other CP's until they see some random 'jackass' run out into the gunfire with only a crowbar, weird armor, and no helmet. Both of them remark how stupid he is as they bet how long he will live or if "he's going to puss out and run back". Dave turns his back to the action and thinks back to the fight, talking about what he's going to do with the money he's going to win... (Or some crap) The camera focuses on the two with a side view as Mike watches the battle unfold. (The camera flashes on the fight and GF running towards one of the CP's). That's when Mike says, “I think I see Bob... (He's cut off by Bob getting beat down) So Mike says, "OMG he's fucking crazy!" Then Dave says, “What do you mean?” Mike says "I MEAN HES KILLING THEM ALL LIKE LIKE.... Then Dave says, "Like what?" “JUST LOOK!” Mike yells. When Dave turns around, he sees nothing going on; the only thing he sees is dead CP's. “Ok Mike, what am I looking at?" He pauses and says, “Wait wasn't there just a firefight here?” then Mike says, "Let's get out of here, I don’t feel like doing all the paper work for this... Or for a crazed crowbar wielding “trick or treater...” Then they walk off doing whatever. THE END. (Unless people want to keep going with this story)

 

P.S. on demand BTGbullseye did a proof on the story.

Edited by Guest

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This actually sounds pretty fun, despite the bad writing. It could totally make a good episode. The only part I didn't like was the end, I could imagine the rest very well.

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This actually sounds pretty fun, despite the bad writing. It could totally make a good episode. The only part I didn't like was the end, I could imagine the rest very well.

 

thx, im not a gifted story teller sorry about that.

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This actually sounds pretty fun, despite the bad writing. It could totally make a good episode. The only part I didn't like was the end, I could imagine the rest very well.

 

thx, im not a gifted story teller sorry about that.

 

Don't worry, You wrote a good story I think. Well done

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Heh. It's not bad. I like crossovers. And get like a "Freeman's Mind Mode" in it. That'd be sweet.

 

Just ask Ross Scott to think one up. And let him make it. XD

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Heh. It's not bad. I like crossovers. And get like a "Freeman's Mind Mode" in it. That'd be sweet.

 

Just ask Ross Scott to think one up. And let him make it. XD

 

me to! i would love to see a CP point of view and a FM point of view. really get both sides of the story. like the CP see him as a badass with no remorse for human life (sorta true)

and GF sees it like everyone is trying to kill him for no reason (again). also i hope he comes across this thread XD

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I would've posted sooner, but I had an English teacher as the best friend of the family for 16 years, and I'm having trouble getting past the bad spelling and grammar errors.

 

If you want me to be the editor and fix the errors for you, I can do that.

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Uhh... think for a second... this wouldn't work.

 

Freeman's voice is the same as Mike's... just saying... (yes I know in the OP there's no Freeman talking).

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Uhh... think for a second... this wouldn't work.

 

Freeman's voice is the same as Mike's... just saying... (yes I know in the OP there's no Freeman talking).

I suppose it is the thought that counts.

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Uhh... think for a second... this wouldn't work.

 

Freeman's voice is the same as Mike's... just saying... (yes I know in the OP there's no Freeman talking).

I suppose it is the thought that counts.

Maybe Mike is the bastard son of Gordon's Dad... Or someone got sperm from a sperm bank, and it was from Gordon's Dad...

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Uhh... think for a second... this wouldn't work.

 

Freeman's voice is the same as Mike's... just saying... (yes I know in the OP there's no Freeman talking).

 

dose not stop family guy. also GF and mike dont need to talk to each other. i made it like that way for a reason.

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I would've posted sooner, but I had an English teacher as the best friend of the family for 16 years, and I'm having trouble getting past the bad spelling and grammar errors.

 

If you want me to be the editor and fix the errors for you, I can do that.

 

ouch............ well if you feel like you have to i suppose.

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well if you feel like you have to i suppose.

Here's the edit:

 

Ok here's how I see it going down. Mike and Dave are standing up on building talking (like they always do) about an uprising in some town, and how it's so dumb to "join the rebel cause", when all of a sudden they see this girl (Alex) climbs up on a building and start yelling to someone. They remark how "hot" and "fine" she is, then they see a CP. Dave says "Hey is that John?" then "John" goes up behind her grabs her and gets shot. They're like "Holy crap!" and leave before they're seen. They talk about what just happed and move on with their patrol. After an argument about how if humans could fly, how would they do it, they get a call over the radio to go to an uprising somewhere. They don't reply and keep on with their conversation. Later they get another call about an attack on a major rebel base at a destroyed bridge, (episode 2 reference) which they also ignore and keep going.

 

Later that day while walking to the top of a warehouse, they see a bunch of CP's in a crowded area on the bottom floor having a coffee break, and they decide a doughnut sounds good. So they head to the stairwell and start talking about what type of doughnut would be good, but before they get to the bottom, they hear a bunch of weird noises. That's when Mike says, “Is Gallagher in town or something? That noise is so annoying!” When they reach the bottom, they see that everyone's dead. That's when Dave says, “There was a bunch of CP's drinking coffee here a moment ago, right?” Mike says “Yeeah...” Dave continues by saying “Now everyone’s dead...” Mike responds “...yeeah.” After a moment of silence Dave asks, “What did this?” but before he can finish, Mike turns around and walks away saying, “Hell if I want to find out...” so they leave.

Later they're on a bridge watching a bunch of CP's fighting rebels in the distance. Both of them are 'sorta' cheering on the other CP's until they see some random 'jackass' run out into the gunfire with only a crowbar, weird armor, and no helmet. Both of them remark how stupid he is as they bet how long he will live or if "he's going to puss out and run back". Dave turns his back to the action and thinks back to the fight, talking about what he's going to do with the money he's going to win... (Or some crap) The camera focuses on the two with a side view as Mike watches the battle unfold. (The camera flashes on the fight and GF running towards one of the CP's). That's when Mike says, “I think I see Bob... (He's cut off by Bob getting beat down) So Mike says, "OMG he's fucking crazy!" Then Dave says, “What do you mean?” Mike says "I MEAN HES KILLING THEM ALL LIKE LIKE.... Then Dave says, "Like what?" “JUST LOOK!” Mike yells. When Dave turns around, he sees nothing going on; the only thing he sees is dead CP's. “Ok Mike, what am I looking at?" He pauses and says, “Wait wasn't there just a firefight here?” then Mike says, "Let's get out of here, I don’t feel like doing all the paper work for this... Or for a crazed crowbar wielding “trick or treater...” Then they walk off doing whatever. THE END. (Unless people want to keep going with this story)

Would you please edit the title to not have the swapped letters please, it's driving me nuts.

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well if you feel like you have to i suppose.

Here's the edit:

 

Ok here's how I see it going down. Mike and Dave are standing up on building talking (like they always do) about an uprising in some town, and how it's so dumb to "join the rebel cause", when all of a sudden they see this girl (Alex) climbs up on a building and start yelling to someone. They remark how "hot" and "fine" she is, then they see a CP. Dave says "Hey is that John?" then "John" goes up behind her grabs her and gets shot. They're like "Holy crap!" and leave before they're seen. They talk about what just happed and move on with their patrol. After an argument about how if humans could fly, how would they do it, they get a call over the radio to go to an uprising somewhere. They don't reply and keep on with their conversation. Later they get another call about an attack on a major rebel base at a destroyed bridge, (episode 2 reference) which they also ignore and keep going.

 

Later that day while walking to the top of a warehouse, they see a bunch of CP's in a crowded area on the bottom floor having a coffee break, and they decide a doughnut sounds good. So they head to the stairwell and start talking about what type of doughnut would be good, but before they get to the bottom, they hear a bunch of weird noises. That's when Mike says, “Is Gallagher in town or something? That noise is so annoying!” When they reach the bottom, they see that everyone's dead. That's when Dave says, “There was a bunch of CP's drinking coffee here a moment ago, right?” Mike says “Yeeah...” Dave continues by saying “Now everyone’s dead...” Mike responds “...yeeah.” After a moment of silence Dave asks, “What did this?” but before he can finish, Mike turns around and walks away saying, “Hell if I want to find out...” so they leave.

Later they're on a bridge watching a bunch of CP's fighting rebels in the distance. Both of them are 'sorta' cheering on the other CP's until they see some random 'jackass' run out into the gunfire with only a crowbar, weird armor, and no helmet. Both of them remark how stupid he is as they bet how long he will live or if "he's going to puss out and run back". Dave turns his back to the action and thinks back to the fight, talking about what he's going to do with the money he's going to win... (Or some crap) The camera focuses on the two with a side view as Mike watches the battle unfold. (The camera flashes on the fight and GF running towards one of the CP's). That's when Mike says, “I think I see Bob... (He's cut off by Bob getting beat down) So Mike says, "OMG he's fucking crazy!" Then Dave says, “What do you mean?” Mike says "I MEAN HES KILLING THEM ALL LIKE LIKE.... Then Dave says, "Like what?" “JUST LOOK!” Mike yells. When Dave turns around, he sees nothing going on; the only thing he sees is dead CP's. “Ok Mike, what am I looking at?" He pauses and says, “Wait wasn't there just a firefight here?” then Mike says, "Let's get out of here, I don’t feel like doing all the paper work for this... Or for a crazed crowbar wielding “trick or treater...” Then they walk off doing whatever. THE END. (Unless people want to keep going with this story)

Would you please edit the title to not have the swapped letters please, it's driving me nuts.

 

ok you basically insult me now you want me to change the title..... for one i have no idea what your talking about. for 2 what swapped letters? "FM crossed CP" if that is what your talking about i had to abbreviate freemans mind and civil protection because the title was to long.

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ok you basically insult me

You told me I could do the edit for you... Not much different from what an editor does when writers publish books. There was no insult intended.

 

well if you feel like you have to i suppose.

 

now you want me to change the title..... for one i have no idea what your talking about. for 2 what swapped letters? "FM crossed CP" if that is what your talking about i had to abbreviate freemans mind and civil protection because the title was to long.

corssed =/= crossed

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ok you basically insult me

You told me I could do the edit for you... Not much different from what an editor does when writers publish books. There was no insult intended.

 

How you phrased your sentence was rather insulting. also I still do not understand what you want me to do with the title.

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ok you basically insult me

You told me I could do the edit for you... Not much different from what an editor does when writers publish books. There was no insult intended.

 

How you phrased your sentence was rather insulting. also I still do not understand what you want me to do with the title.

 

"Gentlemen!...you can't FIGHT in here...

This is THE WAR ROOM!..."

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