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Today sucks hard. My grandmother died this morning and i have went trough lot of negative emotions today. But weird part is that i dont feel as bad as i tought i will feel and that kinda freaks me out. Maybe it has something to do with fact that i've been playing this scenario in my head for last month but i actually feel sort of relieved. See, she was sick for very long time and her health was declining. Worst part wasnt seeing her fade physically but mentally. Still, i miss her

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Today sucks hard. My grandmother died this morning and i have went trough lot of negative emotions today. But weird part is that i dont feel as bad as i tought i will feel and that kinda freaks me out. Maybe it has something to do with fact that i've been playing this scenario in my head for last month but i actually feel sort of relieved. See, she was sick for very long time and her health was declining. Worst part wasnt seeing her fade physically but mentally. Still, i miss her

Sorry to hear about that man, but don't be worried over not feeling as you expected. It's good to prepare for these things and we do so to lessen the blow of it all. My uncle died last year from lung cancer and I didn't feel as sad as I had expected. I'd known he had it for some time and knew what was coming. IMO a planned passing is so much easier to bear than an unplanned one. I wish your grandmother well wherever she may be now. ^-^

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My condolence to you and your family, Meelis. I know how you feel, I've gone through that when my grandfather died 6 years ago. I knew it was gonna happen eventually. The least we could do is make his last few months, and birthday the best he ever had. My cousin's death from hepatitis last year was a real shocker to us though. Totally out of nowhere, especially when he's never much of a drinker.

 

Anyway, For sure your grandmother's in a good place now.

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I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss, Meelis13.

 

My condolences to you and your family in these moments of grief.

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OT: Annoyed and I don't even know why. :I

Sister came in earlier, asked me to help her get a job. I just laughed and told her to get out. Call me a bitch or whatever but I've gotten fed up with the whole unemployment thing. You'd think it's easy, just handing people your resume and waiting. But it's not. It's piss fuck annoying. I feel like a lazy piece of shit. All I do is just sit at home every day, eating, sleeping, rinse and repeat. Pretty sure if my sister actually tried real hard to find a job, she'd get one super easy. I'm just stuck in that part of my life where I'm not seen as cheap labour and I'm still quite uneducated and inexperienced. Thanks life, fuck you too. Back in highschool, I got my first job in just a few weeks. I only went through one interview and bam, got the job. But here I am, 6+ interviews, still nadda.

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Thanks mate. I hate to admit it but wikihow is pretty helpful. XD

I usually get into this low mood after coming back from an interview. But once I get the confirmation that I haven't gotten the job, I can settle a bit. Then I'm not waiting anxiously with my phone attached to my body as if it was my third arm.

But hey, I got an interview for next Tuesday, been a while since I've had an interview so my head feels a little more clear. Still the chances of me getting the job is low but it's a chance none the less. And I do enjoy the times where I can get out of the house and have some meaning to my outing, travelling into the city or at least half way. I don't actually mind public transport that much. XD Believe it or not.

OT: Swell.

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Extremely tired of people not yet being an extinct species. I think my coworkers can't get any worse at their jobs, convincing myself they've reached the lowest possible grade of sheer willful incompetence, and then they go and break their own deplorable record. My occupation is like a short story by Thomas Ligotti. It's that same artfully constructed sentiment of human folly, supernatural dread and cosmological indifference.

 

280d66243c25d65fa756bd9ed3d5e057--leaving-work-on-friday-friday-memes.jpg

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You can quietly suggest to them that they can become famous if they apply for the Darwin Award. Just an idea... :P

 

Regards

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From March til now: Fucking shit is what I'm feeling right now. Last year of college and I'm lagging behind on schoolworks so badly while my classmates are now graduated, my girl bestfriend/classmate who I've just fallen head over heels for got snatched by some asshole despite me doing a lot for her, and him doing fuck all, even pissing her off and one point, and I'm hating myself more each day thanks to all my innate stupidity, and naivety in life. Jesus Christ do I wanna fucking end myself now.

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From March til now: Fucking shit is what I'm feeling right now. Last year of college and I'm lagging behind on schoolworks so badly while my classmates are now graduated, my girl bestfriend/classmate who I've just fallen head over heels for got snatched by some asshole despite me doing a lot for her, and him doing fuck all, even pissing her off and one point, and I'm hating myself more each day thanks to all my innate stupidity, and naivety in life. Jesus Christ do I wanna fucking end myself now.

Oh, hey, man... Forget about the girl - it's her loss. Let her learn from her own mistakes.

 

And remember - everything that happens is for the best, even if you can't see how it can possibly be in the heat of the moment.

 

You concentrate on your studies now and keep your mind open and then one day in not too distant future you will find someone worthy of you.

 

With the benefit of my years, I look back now and count my blessings that a few chicks I was mad about in the past didn't reciprocate the feelings and ruin my life in the process :-P

 

Regards

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All those years with her just went to fucking waste. The last few months have been a painful blur what with the internship I've been doing last summer. I'd get a rest, but to paraphrase Gordon: "I still got shit to do!". I'm completely drained now, but i have to finish this semester. I HAVE TO FINISH THIS SEM-

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All those years with her just went to fucking waste. The last few months have been a painful blur what with the internship I've been doing last summer. I'd get a rest, but to paraphrase Gordon: "I still got shit to do!". I'm completely drained now, but i have to finish this semester. I HAVE TO FINISH THIS SEM-

YEAH! FINISH THAT SEMESTER! XD Sorry to hear about all that shit you've gone through though, mate. But it'll all be fine. :) Just keep working hard, you'll get there!

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You can quietly suggest to them that they can become famous if they apply for the Darwin Award. Just an idea... :P

 

Regards

 

Ha! I can always rely on your clarity of vision Vapymid. I won't have to resort to a genocidal policy against the stupid.

 

Not yet.

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I don't mean to bump the topic, but it's nice to find something like this on the forums.

 

My summer hasn't been good. It's been horrible; up until today for the last month or so I've been arguing over nothing with a friend, had her stab me in the back after I apologised to her, had my gaming crew collapse, been struggling with my own mind and health, and now my other friend has decided to move out of a house I'm sharing with 2 other people (now) for the duration of this academic year (final year of University) without any explanation. It's been a swamp of confusion, frustration and depression, and I just want to say that my sanity is fucking disintegrating.

 

Why do bad things happen to good people? Did I piss off Fate and this is how much it is going to take to make it even? Does the Universe have a Googolplex-sized grudge with me that it can't sit by and let me get on with my life?

 

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills...

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I have autism comorbid with manic-depression. I guess they're able to co-occur because they're happening in different centres of the brain? Don't remember.

 

Either way, it can be very annoying because my anti-social behavior - which is in no small part caused by the autism - stifles my ability to outwardly express my intense emotions and hides my violent mood swings from the people around me. As good as it might be for folks to not have to deal (too much) with my issues, I am left feeling very alone and misunderstood.

 

Having bipolar has its moments; mania can be a lot of fun if it isn't too intense. But it can be absolutely soul-crushing to go through a depressive phase and not know how to express your feelings and cry out for help. I tend to suffer alone, even when I'm going over the edge.

 

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills...

The important thing to do when you're going through a rough time is to stay strong and regard it as a learning experience. You'll make it out of the tunnel if you keep finding your legs and moving forward when the trains hit you.

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I have ADHD and apart from making me lapse in concentration during moments I know I SHOULD be listening, for some reason it makes me really hungry all the time. I have to take pills to keep my diet in check otherwise it can get out of control and it really impacts my health and fitness.

There's nothing more annoying than working out healthily for an entire month, getting physically and mentally fit, and going through all that stress and discipline just to forget to take your pills for one week and ruining a month's work of fitness.

It's INFURIATING, because it makes me consistently either have a beer gut, or looking reasonably muscular.

And when I am looking out of shape, everyone I know seems to chastise me for being out of shape when I'd been working out hard all month. And all this pressure and irritation from my friends and family really stresses me out, to the point where I forget to take my pills, AND THE DAMN CYCLE CONTINUES!!

 

I almost want to just stop working out all together, but that would eventually make me so unfit that I have to exercise. It's like a never ending nightmare of fitness. The only part of me that seems to stay consistently fit are my hands.

So I guess I have "Jazz Hands"

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Selous Templar, have you tried telling your peers to stop harassing you about your shape? Just say you're working on it.

Also if you're regularly taking pills, you should take them at a specific time of the day, every day. It's easier to get into the habit that way and it's harder to forget about it.

 

~~~

 

I'm so busy I don't have time for feeling. Does that make sense? I'm sure I feel something, just haven't had a chance to reflect on exactly what I am feeling.

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