J.C.

I'm thinking I should go to bed... but no, better play Ghostbusters for a while.

If you can't take the heat, get out of the rocket propulsion chamber!

Fixed, there's no "Test" in there.

Yes there is, you infidel!

Please return your Accursed Farms ID as you leave the premises.

Chapter 2 – Into the dark

I’m standing in a narrow ledge, five floors from the street, just outside a small meeting room. Carefully, I cut a small circle in the glass, remove it, put my arm through the hole and unlock the window. My informant was right: there are no cameras in this room and the alarms on the windows have been cleverly disabled. Since the first 80 floors of the building are mainly dedicated to Machinima.com’s massive bureaucracy, the odds of some office drone noticing are very low.

I quietly exit the room and head for the elevators in the south side. I try to avoid the cameras and motion sensors, even though I know it is almost impossible for they register me: the Aperture Science Thermoptic Camouflage Suite I’m wearing, renders me virtually undetectable to ordinary surveillance equipment.

I make my way to the service access and enter the elevator shaft. I put my grappling gun to good use, and merely 10 minutes after entering the building, I’m standing in the 80th floor, looking for a way into the upper 120 levels (or, as my informant put it, the Heart of Darkness). From the building plans I studied earlier, the only way up seems to be a staircase in the middle of the floor.

The offices here seem bigger. In one of them, two men are talking. The one sitting at the desk has white hair and beard, and wears a black turtleneck and gray jacket. The other, tall, thin and wearing a blue suit, is opening the door to leave while saying “Well… if you won’t… listen to reason… I have no choice but to… take other courses of action”. He then looks directly at me, with strange (almost glowing) green eyes, and says “Prepare for… unforeseen consequences”.

My hand instinctively begins to move towards the combat knife I’m carrying, but I force it back. There’s no way for him to have noticed me, this has to be just a weird coincidence.

Surely enough, the man smiles slightly and, closing the office door behind him, walks down the dark hallway.

If he’s going where I think, this could be my chance to gain access to the upper levels, so I follow him quickly and noiselessly.

I was right.

The man stops in front of what looks like a set of steel blast doors, pulls out some sort of remote control from a briefcase I hadn’t noticed before, and presses a combination of buttons in it. Suddenly, the doors swing open without a noise, revealing behind them a large set of stairs going up.

As I prepare to jump and neutralize the man, a loud sound makes me turn around… but there’s nothing there. In less than a second I turn around again… only to find the man has vanished, and the doors are beginning to close again.

Without a second though, I jump between them.

Banned because... let me get this straight... when it's not right... it's left... again... so it's right... ehm...

MHmm. I sense a certain facepalm theme.

- Ah, screw this. I'm gonna kill me some zombies.

*Turns of the TV, goes to the window, starts firing wildly with his Mini-gun at the zombie horde outside.

Which one?

Because scott155 asked for it.

Also, it's a good way to vent my anger towards Machinima.com.

Banned for no more ponies!

You should bring Bruce Willis with you on that one, or a naquadah enhanced warhead, or call on some Pierson's Puppeteers to help you (if they can accelerate their planets to 0.8c, they should have no problem deflecting one small asteroid).

Banned for using unrecognized sarcasm tags.

Chapter 1 – Dark rain

The building stands, unimaginably tall and menacing, against the dark storm clouds. A huge monolith of concrete, steel and glass, it only serves to underline the general state of decay of the city. What was once referred to as “The City of Angels” is now a rain soaked festering slum, where life has no value and only the most hardened criminals (or the most desperate souls) choose to live… if their existence can be qualified as “life”.

And all because of this evil corporation.

A few years ago they established their headquarters here. Machinima.com they called themselves, and there was much rejoicing and hope for the future, as they offered to give talented young directors the opportunity to showcase their work to a global audience. Their true purpose was, as it became soon enough painfully evident, much darker.

I stand in the shadows of an alley, one block away. The rain feels good on my head; it gives me pause and focus. What I am about to attempt could only lead to unimaginable suffering and death, if you believe the stories. But someone has to try. Otherwise, we’re all doomed.

I slowly raise the grappling gun, aiming carefully for the spot on the fifth floor that my informant indicated as a safe point of entrance, and pull the trigger. Two seconds later, I feel the hook catching on and the rope tightening automatically. With one more slow breath, I engage the thermoptic camouflage, and pull the retract trigger.

As I fly through the air, everything seems to slow down. I can see each individual droplet of water. The wind whispers softly in my ears. My body feels weightless. And a great calm descends over my troubled soul.

There’s no turning back now.

Yeah, ok. I'll post the first one tonight.

Just so you know Machinima.com... I'm watching you

Sometimes I take too many boots to the head and down a whole bottle of Tylenol to delude myself into thinking I'm funny.

Been there brother

During these delusions I sometimes made Mind Series which are so bad watching them makes my stomach cringe and my eyes hop out to go find a new home.

I would watch that. I can't guarantee I'll like it, but I'd give it a shot.

banneed because for all day you trying to tell me I love ponies. I DO NOT!

Banned because I have to agree with him on this one, your signature indeed says that you do love ponies.

Banned because you know you like to watch them, over and over again.

Good idea: making up some completely random meaning and posting it here.

Maxipad: new 21" screen size iPad. Available in stores everywhere this fall. Runs Windows 8. Also, dispenses Pepsi Max (hence the name).

Unfortunately, that option is doomed to fail from the start.

- Hey! I was watching that!

*Takes back the remote, switches over to SyFy, facepalms at the crappy shows*

- If you want pie, you can chew on Blightmare for a while, if you can find him. There are also some pizza leftovers over there.

Banned because Steve lost his sword and shield somewhere between your avatar and signature.

That is weird, lots of people on here tend to have long hair. Me too actually untill about 3 weeks ago, only because I couldn't stand the heat.

That's one of my problems with long hair: causes my brain to overheat and I end up waking up covered in sweat every morning. Also, since my hair has a natural tendency to be wavy and curly when let to it's own devices, I look like a seventies porn star or something.

Also, you know what they say: If you can't take the heat, get out of the rocket propulsion test chamber!

I don't know, perhaps Hari Seldon? The man had mad math skills. Or perhaps Randolph Carter.

Banned because I don't know. Maybe Planescape:Torment?

I know you know it's Brad's avatar Half the things we say in this godforsaken thread are obvious, but after 2575 replies, it gets harder to ban for imaginative reasons