Blightmare

So, laying in bed finally after 48 hours of working. Like, literally. Give or take about 3-4 hours in total for eating and short breaks. And even longer continuously awake. I woke up at 10 am Friday, showed up at a local hosted sight for the Global Game Jam at 6 pm, began officially working on my groups project at 8pm. This was technically an experience for me. The event hosted at the location I went to is sponsored by Monster Energy. I can't stand that stuff. the caffeine levels in that actually make my heart beat hurt. So instead I tried something I've heard about and showed up with a personal supply of 6 Neuro Sonics. I admit I underestimated these things. Probably all the more reason that consuming 5 over the past three days was not my brightest of ideas. It's almost 1 am monday and I'm only now coming down from the most energy I've found myself with in years. And given that my energy is finally coming down and I still feel better than some times when I only missed 1 night of sleep I'm gonna actually sleep now.

But before I go, I made a thing. I'm proud of it even if it is the living embodiment of poor coding practice. I learned how to start, now all I have to do is redo it, refine it, and rewrite it until I can do it whenever I need it.

Night. I may somehow still not feel super tired but the audio/visual hallucinations starting to creep in tell me I better sleep.

Taking a short break from my groups Global Game Jam project. We may not get this nearly as complete as last years but I did manage to work out a very basic randomized level layout using 16x16 unit rooms. Another in our group managed to link up the game to an external website. not much we can do with it yet but the intended idea is to have the spectator have options to mess with the player's progress.

I also haven't slept in a little over 50 hours. aside from food and bathroom breaks I've been typing this whole time. My everything hurts.

Silent Hill 2 OST. The whole thing.

I love Mind.In.A.Box

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Egg nog icecream. It's really good and I ate it too fast and now I have egg-freeze in my noggin.

String cheese. Rollin like the big kids.

Battlefield 4. Nothing quite like mindless shooters to pass the time to when you just need to think.

Well she eventually was fired but by that time I was too old to be allowed to resume the classes. Which was also BS. Oh well. I can always pick it back up again. Wouldn't be the first time I taught myself something because the teachers decided not to.

There seems to be an interest in that story. Very well then.

It's not a very long story or all that complicated. It was back in 6th grade, I was really looking forward to learning music. The school offered music classes which lead into marching band so I joined up as my elective class. Well, that's when I met the teacher. Lets put it this way. There was no such thing as a good mood with her. There was only 2 moods: I'm in a bad mood, play your damn music, and I'm in a really bad mood so you all are going to be in a bad mood with me. Her mood was almost always the latter. Next up, there was absolutely no encouragement from her. If she wasn't talking about how much you were messing up the song, she probably wasn't talking. She even went as far as to punish students for playing songs that weren't in the issued music book. I was even sent to detention once when I taught myself how to play the schools anthem on my own. Claimed "I was a disruptive influence" which totally makes sense, you know, seeing as the class hadn't even started yet and there were only 3 other people in the room at the time.

And you know what was in those issued music books? Mary had a little lamb, Jingle bells, Shalom, the easiest songs in the world to play. And not even the whole song. 2 lines. Only 2 lines AT MOST of the easiest songs in the world. I was bored out of my mind in those classes. On top of all of that, she was terrible at teaching anything at all. The most I learned from her was how to read a few types of notes. The rest I learned on my own, and boy did she not like that. All the other students music was off key, had no life, no emotion. Just a poorly played song made by a wind machine. And she did NOTHING to try and fix this. Absolutely nothing.

It got so bad that the year after I dropped out of the music program. I couldn't stand to spend another hour in the same room with that person, let alone every school day for 4 more years. It was so bad that for years after I couldn't even open my saxophone case without being reminded of everything that horrible teacher did to absolutely butcher music for me. Like it reduced me to tears one time I tried to play again it was that bad.

That's why I can't forgive that person. They destroyed my love for music for about 5 years with how badly that affected me.

So that's what Tumblr means by a "trigger." My saxophone became a trigger.

/sob story

But we as a species must embrace what we truly are: Brutes. Savages.

Brute savagery is a very good thing to move away from. Just because it's been a part of our species since the start does not mean we need to embrace it. It's something to rise above and outdo with. After all what are we if not trying to constantly rise above our own selves and improve? Technology, society, even war itself, has always evolved to be stronger, better, and more efficient. We've even tried to make wars more humane, as ironic as that must sound. The fact being that weapons based on cruelty are labeled war crimes. While not everyone in the world follows these laws, it's a step in the right direction.

I think the issue here is that you're taking a far to romanticized stance on war. Refusing to ignore the atrocities that accompany it in place of glory and honor; two things that will never be worth the lives lost to achieve it. That's not not something that should really be up for debate either, since anything that is obtained through the lose of another's life is not a good thing to obtain.

If you want a non-romanticized view of how wars can and have affected lives, you should look into a game called This War of Mine. I promise you there is no glory or honor for the civilians who are caught in between.

Also another problem I'm seeing here, and one that's honestly making me feel quite insulted, is this insistence that because we don't support and love war, we're living "meaningless, wretched" lives, and that our existence is miserable. How dare you tell me that my life is meaningless and miserable. Or anyone's life for that matter. I live for and love to create. Music, art, games; I can assure you that I feel absolutely nothing in the way of miserable right now. I sure don't feel like what I'm doing is meaningless either. As long as even one person on this planet appreciates what I'm doing, then that's all the proof I need to know that what I do is meaningful. I can get lost in music like you wouldn't believe, and reading is one of my favorite pass-times because I can explore new and exciting worlds in a comfortable and safe manner. I guarantee you that my existence is in no way wretched, and I'm very much annoyed that you would say that simply because you don't agree.

I don't know about you, but I don't want that for my son.

I want my son to live in glory, renown across all the lands as the man that stood proud and tall; something, no doubt your son would wish to do.

Your son should be allowed to do his own thing and chose his own path in life. If he should decide he wants to be a painter, or work an accountant job, or play for a professional sports team, or hell, bag groceries at a supermarket, then it is your duty as a parent to accept, love, and support him, not to mold him into what you THINK he should be doing.

Without pain, we would be lifeless.

Without pain our bodies would be in a healthier state. Pain is, after all, the bodies way of telling us something is wrong.

This is my varying collection of cents on the topic. I may play war games and read books about war but the difference there is that those aren't real. For all intents and purposes, I hate war and what it's done to people who didn't need to be involved in it but inevitably were.

"There was never a good war, or a bad peace." - Benjamin Franklin

As much as I used to absolutely love playing music, I haven't done it in over a decade. I had a nightmare of a music teacher that made it so the thought of playing an instrument made me upset. Used to be the alto saxophone. I picked it up real fast too.

If not for that teacher, I might actually be pursuing a career related to music instead. I'm still mad at that person and it's been so long. Only grudge I've ever held.

Guys, I'm not sure but I might have broken my arm. It hurts but it's not excruciating.

I was rollerskating and fell over twice, both times landing on my right hand. Each fall it hurt like shit. My senses would go numb and my hearing would sorta blurr, I'd feel VERY dizzy. I'm asking instead of going to a doctor because I'm not at home, I'm in another state and it might be kinda difficult to sort out. So yeah, what should I do? X3 My plan so far is to wait it out.

My arm hurts whenever I move my arm or even just my fingers. I just doubt it's broken cause it doesn't hurt THAT much.

Well numbed senses and dizziness are signs of shock which can happen with both sprains and broken bones. If it's not swelling it's probably not broken. Also if you don't feel anything that feels like a throbbing splinter-like feeling in the bone and there's no spasming on the affected area that's also signs it's probably not broken. I'd still get it checked out when you can though, not just take my word for it. I have had breaks that didn't show all the signs.

D'aww thank you!

My hair color is weird though. Like in that light it's blonde, but outside during the day it's almost a natural copper. I like my hair though. :3

I finally decided to take a serious picture and I'm jealous of how good everyone looks in their pictures. :S

Anyone know any good Electro Swing songs? X3 I love them but it's not all that big. So hard to find the real good ones that I like too.

 

As for what I'm listening to:

Caravan Palace, hooray!

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Old swing remixed into electro swing.

Or alternatively, the menu music to Battleblock Theater. here. though it's a little more hip-hoppy.

Drinking tea and reading. I have life to attend to eventually but I'll be damned if it happens before I finish this.

Talking with friends on facebook. Never really got the appeal of that site much until I graduated and realized that I'd probably lose contact with a lot of really cool people if I didn't. I'm also creating a word document with a list of things I want to learn now that I have time.

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I don't even know what to call this. It's like some kind of Electro Disco Funk fusion and I love it.

Mentally planning out a work schedule for actually getting some work done on a few personal projects so I can actually make my portfolio good enough to land me a job. Once I know what I should be doing I'll start putting it in writing and begin work. I know I'm at least gonna start in earnest in February since later this month is an event I need to plan for.

InFamous: Second Son. 100% achieved. Platinum trophy acquired. Now to go mess around with my powers.

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I was playing InFamous just now and this happened.

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Everyone's a critic.

Playing Infamous: Second Son. Final boss on hardest difficulty. Going better than final boss on normal. O_o Just gotta wait for this cutscene to end. -.-

Killzone: Shadow Fall.

I WAS playing online then Earthlink decided that I'd played enough and then kept shutting down every time I tried to get back on.

Been a while since I've used this thread for its intended purpose. Well, here I go.

I swear, if anything would be a driving factor in me moving out, it’d be to escape this atrocious excuse for an internet connection. It’s like we’re paying them to disappoint us.

If Earthlink ever seems like they have a good offer, they’re lying. Find something else. Sorriest excuse for a company I’ve seen in a long time and their customer support is even worse. They should be paying US to tolerate their obscene business practice.

I swear their customer service has found the politest way to tell us to fuck off every time something goes wrong. And what kind of response is “*sigh* Fine, we’ll look into it.” Fuck you, we were being polite about reporting our issue and you respond like we’re the bad guys for making you actually do work? They’re so lucky I’m not the one who controls the internet here else they’d be dropped so fast their collective heads would spin.