Blightmare

trying to figure out why Twitch decided to suddenly stop sending email updates, not let me log into my account and not send me password or account name recovery emails.

No that'll get the same reaction. You want to use chocolate coins. Be sure to ONLY peel half of them.

Every time I play the medic we don't need one but the moment I go something else everyone starts taking a ton of damage. What do I do?

Gifting friends games like "I'm gonna be eating note paper for a month but at least we gonna play together"

So I'm really upset about this news regarding Konami, Kojima, and the cancellation of Silent Hills. But I'm actually very annoyed by one of the comments by Konami regarding this incident.

"We will continue to develop the Silent Hill series"

Is this supposed to be a comforting statement? Konami's been in charge of the Silent Hill series for a while and the last several games they've made have been a disappointment. When P.T. was released, and it was confirmed to be the teaser demo for the next in the series, I was excited. Legitimately excited. On it's own, P.T. looked to be the demo for an extremely promising standalone horror game. The fact that it was going to be the next installment in the Silent Hill series, as well as being directed by Hideo Kojima AND Guillermo Del Toro; two directors I greatly respect; furthered that excitement. I thought it was gonna finally be the Silent Hill to redeem the series' wounded name.

So hearing them cancel a project with such incredible promise over a power struggle and then have the nerve to basically say "don't worry, Silent Hill will still get games" after eliminating the reasons why SH held some hope of making a comeback is such a slap to the face. So I'm calling it. Silent Hill has died for me. The defibrillator that was Silent Hills has failed and I'm writing up the death certificate. Konami's going to now proceed to dance on it's grave and tap into what's left of it's bank account while I mourn for what could have been an excellence.

And now there's word that they've already planned and started development on the MGS to follow after Phantom Pain, claiming "looking for an all new team to work on it" is like following that slap to the face with a kick to the nuts. Konami, just... stop. Take what money you've made, finish and release whatever projects you have, and just stop. Stick with your mobile games and Pachinko parlors. You've done enough for the game industry. You don't need to wound my faith AND trample my childhood.

Who am I kidding they don't fucking care.

Listening to music and browsing the internet.

Going to bed. Lost track of the time and now it's later than I'd like it to be. :S

Watching an artist stream and nursing a migraine.

Also really wishing I was playing Bloodborne right now, but it's raid night in my brothers Destiny group. BB pisses me off so much sometimes but god I love it. As of right now it's my personal Game of the Year.

Mixed parts sad and happy. Sad because the new Silent Hills game looks to be canceled but happy because Bloodborne got a patch so the load screens are no longer the real punishment of death. (Longer than most still but well within acceptable bounds. I don't have to plan out my farming strategies to account for load times anymore.) The patch also seems to have smoothed out the framerate so I'm all kinds of happy about that.

After the Pepe meme I think I've had enough viral memes to last me a lifetime.

It could just be that you don't know what you are, and that is being shown in your dreams... You may need to find yourself before you see yourself.

 

One way you might be able to check and see if that is the case, is to just imagine a scenario, like a game, with you as the protagonist... Make it semi-mundane, (like some event you need to prevent from happening, or something bad will happen locally) nothing over-the-top like HL2 or anything, (no wold-saving or fighting alien invasions, that's for the advanced class) and play through it in as comfortable a way as possible, using as little effort as possible, and letting your mind drift through the scenario. After a while, without forcing it, just see if you can gently pass by a window or something reflective, and see what happens. Remember, the more effort you put into it, the less likely it is to work. (don't try to see yourself, just let the reflection show you what it will) If you still can't see yourself, it's most likely the same issue I have with being stuck seeing both 1st and 3rd persona at the same time, and there's nothing to worry about. If you can see yourself, and you're not stressed or putting any effort into the illusion, just comfortably daydreaming, then you might have the issue I mentioned. (which also is nothing to worry about, most people never fully know themselves)

 

I started doing myself whenever I felt stressed, and it very quickly was apparent that I was essentially dropping into a semi-trance state. (not like you see in movies, you can't influence a person's mind in this state any more than you can when they're not in the trance) It is a method very similar to that which some psychiatrists use for patient stress relief, and is also one of the easiest ways to get used to the feeling of lucid dreaming. (so that when it happens, you don't accidentally wake instead of control your dream)

I'll give this a try. Hopefully my ADHD won't make it too hard. (Once during a relaxation exercise I started to panic because I couldn't hold onto the mental image we were asked to visualize XD) I understand what this exercise is trying to do though. If I'm correct it's trying to coax the subconscious into revealing something about yourself by giving it situational blanks to fill in. I can see how trying too hard would be detrimental.

Can I call you "organically sentient robot with a Y chromosome"?

Lol, I meant in terms of he/she/they. I mean if you want to I'm not gonna stop you but no way I'm keeping a straight face if addressed as that. XD

Sometimes I wish I can just talk to my subconscious and ask "Yo, what the fuck." But I guess I just have to keep trying.

Anywho, enough derailing with talk of my innards being a doof.

I'm feeling pretty good today. My flu is starting to fade and I'm finally somewhat rested.

Laying in bed failing to sleep and fearing I may have relapsed my flu.

Chocolate almond milk

let's all rock out the the sound of LOUD NOISES

cUYSGojUuAU

It's scary how well this blends.

So since I got on the topic of dreams in another thread I figured I'd drop one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had in this. It's been a while so there are some details that have faded over time but there are 3 moments that still stand as clearly in my mind as when I had it.

The theme of the dream is simple. Water. Throughout the entirety of the dream water was somehow involved. At the start of the dream I was standing in what seemed like an endless ocean of knee-deep water. There were no waves and no indication of any land. All around me were broken apart wooden structures elevated above the water. There wasn't any pathway connecting them and most had long fallen apart to the point of being nothing more than wooden rubble poking out from the waters surface. On one of the posts I remember a sign reading "beware of water" Details between this part and the next have unfortunately faded.

The next part of the dream I had I was inside a structure. I'm not sure exactly what to define the room as since it felt like a temple but everything was tiled in a similar fashion to ceramic pool tiles. The only way out of the room excluding the way I came in was on the other side of several elevated pools, each one spilling over to the pool just bellow it. There were platforms that floated across the surface of the water but they flowed against the current of the pools. Each wall had 3 rectangular cut out spaces in which a number of people with no discernible features sat in a fetal position. All of them sat wide eyed, unmoving, and their skin was an unnatural shade of black, almost like they were made out of obsidian. I remember trying to cross the elevated pools by crawling across the platforms floating against the current. The details between this part and the final have also faded.

The last part before I woke up was a bar-like setting. The room was flooded with water about knee deep and it was empty save for one man. I remember him being very odd looking, almost like his features shouldn't be possible for an actual human. He never actually made eye contact with me, opting to just stare off into space, and he stood there polishing the same glass over and over. I sat there for what felt like hours listening to him talk, and while I can still remember what his voice sounded like, what he said has faded from my memory. I just remember that at the time what he was talking about didn't make any sense. Like they were supposed to be words of wisdom but just came out as a nonsensical mashup of words.

It was around this time I woke up. To this day I still feel like there was something important about that dream, I just don't know what. It was far too consistent compared to most of my dreams and despite everything it felt comfortable in it. Like I wasn't so much as searching for something or trying to get somewhere as I was just exploring this unusual world I found myself in.

I guess it's the opposite for me. I'm incapable of understanding what a gender feels like. As for the dreams, they never really revolved around my inability to identify myself. They were dreams like most would expect, but thinking back I realize that in them I never actually say anything, or see any form of visual representation of myself. I can feel limbs, I can feel all the physical sensations that come with a dream but I never actually see any of what is a part of me. I can say for sure that realizing that is rather unsettling. Maybe the answer is somewhere in my dreams but not as obvious as seeing a simple reflection. Idunno. I could drive myself crazy trying to connect everything. Believe me when I say I wish it was as simple as saying "I'm gonna identify as " and having it be true. Last time I tried that it was followed shortly by "No, who am I kidding?"

As for the bad experiences, I'm not sure in what way you experienced them but I'll try to avoid causing any myself. Feel free to refer to me as whatever pronoun makes you comfortable since it really is all the same to me. I appreciate the thought of you wanting to help but I'm certain this is something only I can figure out. Thank you though.

Sorry, normally I like to keep this to myself since in the end it's a personal issue but sometimes it just becomes hard to deal with and recent events kinda rekindled that frustration.

halp.

They've already turned that into a meme?!?

The modern day internet's meme efficiency is frightening.

Feeling... Jealous? Envious? I'm not sure.

Self Identity Garbage Ahead:

About to go to sleep once Username stops sending me messages on Steam. His timing is always bad like that. XD

The internet is really really great

I've got a fast connection so I don't have to wait

But there's always some new site

I browse all day and night

It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light!

for porn.

Interestingly enough you sound only slightly different than I imagined (I have a voice assigned to everyone's post. I'm weird like that)

 

I'm listening to someone singing "Leaving on a Jet Plane" on a stream.

 

What voice did you give me? XP I'm intrigued and curious.

Unfortunately I can't really give an example because it's not really a recorded voice. It does have an Australian accent, Though I fear it might be a bit cliched (thanks American media >)

OT:

3r7-g5fOF2c

Darwinia

Multiwinia

Uplink

Defcon

Grid 2 (Won in raffle)

Consortium (Won in raffle)

Runner 2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien (Won in raffle)

Killing Floor 2

GTA V PC

Dead Space 2 PC

Medal of Honor Battle Chest (Allied Assault)

Call of Honor: Medal of Duty