YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW! This dude. This fucking dude, He's making SFM animations. You can tell he tries. You can tell he improves. Most of his videos are in the thousands. Hell, one of his videos has almost three million views. He has 16 thousand subscribers. Comments, bloody comments! What am I doing wrong/different? D-do I need to make short 5-15 videos? Do I need to do FNAF videos like him? Is that the big secret? FNAF?
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1jAO2hJGFJA54doCR9tg_A/videos who I'm talking about.
No really, it pisses me off that I'm working my butt off on animations, and I get jack shit for it, meanwhile others are doing the same (more or less) and are getting praised for it. On the side, I'm uploading other videos (right now I'm doing a FF7 challenge). So far, I only have one person cheering me on when I upload the challenge videos. This dude, this fucking dude is getting praise on all of his videos. I know I shouldn't be comparing my life to others, but it fucking sucks seeing others, my age or younger who have their shit together. Those who are making a living doing what they love, those who are happy at work, even if it really isn't what they want to do in the long run. I am not expecting to be the next Pewdiepie (The making millions just to upload videos side). I just want to make a fucking living, and be happy. Is that too much to ask? Really? Haven't I suffered long enough? How many more years? Huh? HOW MANY?!
What. The. Fuck.
I-I feel like a fucking broken record. This shit has been happening to me for years, I've vented about this multiple times (at least once here, maybe twice). I feel like I've tried everything and gotten nowhere. I feel like I'm in a hallway, with a locked door. Beyond the door is a better life. I can see the keys to unlock the door, but I can just never reach them. They've been in front of me for years but I can't do a fucking thing, because it's locked behind a password, which I need to figure out, and I'm not given a single fucking hint. I see others, friends, family, strangers, who are either handed the key, a hint to the password, or the password itself, and their lives are pretty much no different than me. Hell, many of them have already gone past the door. I need something, a clue, hint, something, anything. All I have left to lose is a place to live, and my TF2 items, which is basically 3 keys, and 2-3 scrap. Or $7. I have $7 grand total, maybe $8-9 if you count my change. That's all the fucking money I have in the world, and most of it is in TF2. Fuck my life, it fucking sucks. I swear everything I try falls apart, sometimes even before I get a fucking chance to start it.
Hell, when I did have the job, before I could really truly get my life started, other shit would get in the way, preventing me from saving money. Things like my headset dying (so I had to buy a replacement, and that one died real quickly, first time in my entire life where I had a headset die that quickly. Never needed a warranty. Never expected that to happen. Had to buy gas (which is normal). The spacebar on my previous keyboard stopped working, so I bought a new one. It's like the world doesn't want me to succeed.
Hell today (well, actually Friday) my earbuds died on me during my walk. Fucking great. My dad gave me $20 because my parents are going to be gone for their anniversary. The intent? Supper Friday, and lunch Saturday. That aint happening. Wanna know why? Because I bought new earbuds, with enough money for supper tonight. Great fucking timing on my earbuds dying. Thank you for another shit, life. When I told my dad about my earbuds dying, he just laughed and said "that's what earbuds do". That laughter? That basically was him saying "get a job then". Great fucking plan dad. I don't care for the show, but this is basically me:
(You can also replace 'job' with 'girlfriend' when my parents bring that topic up.)
