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Doublenature

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Posts posted by Doublenature

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Im confused

    Im angry

    I feel great anxiety, even though I dont really care, except I do

    Im in love but Im not

    People just seem to laugh at my problems

    I feel like I have nowhere to turn, but at the same time, I kinda do

    I procrastinate even though I know that it will cost me my apartment

    I see no reason in anything even though I still do

    I get pissed at people when they cant leave me the fuck alone when I tell them that I want to be alone

    Everyone just wants sex, nobody wants love

    People try to manipulate me for sex

    I cant find myself in this mess

    The person I love, I always let go because I figure he isnt interested but then, always, never an exception, he gets in touch the next day.

    Meanwhile all these fucking people just want to get high, get drunk and have sex

    I hate them so fucking much, I just want to punch someone in the face.

    A family member of mine laughed at me when I said that I might have Borderline disorder

    Friends use me, makes me apply myself just for them to go: "Eh, fuck it. You stayed up all night, spent your money on coffee and energy drinks and gasoline so that you could pick me up at 10am, so that I would be in time for a job interview? Well guess what, Im not fucking going."

    Again, all I have are my family, a few friends and my music.

    I help everyone but nobody seems to help me or even understand, except family one friend and music as usual.

     

    I dont want to keep playing this stupid game. I dont want to kill myself, I just dont want to keep going.

    I dont know what the fuck to do, Im slowly getting pulled back to my roots of hating everything. I dont know why I tried to fool myself that it was any different.

    I tried to be a happy and helpful person but Im so fucking done with that shit, since life likes to remind me that its all a big pile of shit.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Doublenature, congratulations and good luck!

     

    Small vent:

    I absolutely hate smelly cheese. My dad loves this stuff however, and our fridge is full of it. This means that if you open it for just a second the smell will fill the entire room. The ENTIRE HOUSE has a faint smell of disgusting cheese now and I think I'm going insane.

    Thank you! Ive basically quit now, Im just gonna wait for my contract to expire, so that it doesnt hurt my job searching in the future.

     

    Oh god, parents and smelly foods... I know this all too well.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Im done. Im quitting tomorrow. This one actually has some humour in it.

     

     

    At work today. First thing that happened is that one of my colleagues asks me to take a two-man visit by myself because she cant be assed to do it. To which I reply: "No way." then she got pissy and left.

     

    Told another one of colleagues that I was feeling burnt out and Im not really functioning after being a bit slow at a visit, to which she replies: "HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL?! (obviously refering to the fact that she is part of the non substitutes) HOW MANY HOURS DID YOU EVEN PUT IN THIS MONTH?" I replied: "Im not burnt out just because of work." She made a snorting, half laugh "are you serious?" noise and I completely lost it and went: "Never fucking mind then!" and walked off, she followed me and started making small talk like we were friends, to everything she said, I replied with the same snorting noise and with: "Good for you, go write it down so I can remember it." She then acted really surprised and just went: "Ok, I gotta go now, bye."

     

    Now! Back to the first colleague! We got to said two-man visit. She starts with interrupting the person who we are supposed to help, I tell her to shut up and wait her turn like a normal human being. She over-complicates a million things, and when we finally get to the bedroom, thats when the shit starts for real.

    We are supposed to use a lift to get this person from the wheelchair to the bed. We have been nagging for 5 months to get a lift, so that we wont break our backs. She starts to insist that we "only use the lift in the morning" I tell her that we use it in the evening aswell, and that it doesnt matter, its a lift, not medication.

    She keeps insisting that we dont use the lift and I just go: "Fine, but you'll do the heavy part." She cant do the heavy part, so I have to. After ALOT of lifting with my back, trying to get into a good position for lifting and such, we FINALLY get this person right in the bed. We leave the apartment and she goes: "Ouch, my back hurts."

    I then proceed to give her a long good lecture on why she is a fucking moron and that she is hurting herself and me because she refuses to use the equipment that we have. After this, she ALSO starts to make small talk with me, asking me questions she has never asked like: "Do you have a girlfriend? What do you do in your sparetime?" We have worked together for 5 months, and usually I only get a "Mhm." when I say "Good morning!".

     

    My theory is that these people need us substitutes (is this the right word?) to do all the heavy work for them but as soon as one bites back and they realise that they've crossed the line, they turn into kittens since they dont want to get on our bad side. Ive talked to the other mortals and they tell me that they get pushed around, too. Im glad I can bite back, the question is how far its gonna go before I bite too hard. Then again, one person gave the WRONG FREAKING MEDICINE to one person and he is STILL EMPLOYED. Maybe I dont have to worry.

     

    Post what you're doing right now

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Watching the finale playthrough of Resident Evil 7.

     

    Damn, that's a long end credits. I mean not Mighty No. 9 levels, nothing will match or beat that, but still 10+ minutes is still a long time.

    Great game, though. The final boss was a bit... meh. Other than that, a solid game. Did you like it?

     

    Im watching the VICE documentary about the KKK and the Crips. I was interested in hearing what both sides had to say, the KKK is a group that Ive never had any knowledge about other than movies, and I was wondering if they have been misrepresented. It turns out, they were not misrepresented. Holy crap these people are fucking stupid.

    I am in no way a white supremacist, my views are very anarchic (punk is probably a better word), but Im always interested in different groups, religions etc.

    Its always interesting to see if the stereotype is accurate. Stereotypes always come from somwhere, but this is just ridiculous.

    Last Game You Played

    in Gaming in general

    Posted

    Finally gave up on Fallout 2.

    Atleast I gave it a good 20 hours before I finally made up my mind. I went in with a very open mind, I learned all the mechanics from scratch, but the game just wont let me like it. Im gonna see if Fallout 1 (which I couldnt get into before) is better.

     

    I really wanted to like FO2 but it just wont let me. The game is... bad. It is, in my opinion, so bad that I can not see why there is any love for this.

    Long story short: After 2 characters of trial and error and learning what I was doing wrong, I went out with a new character that had 10 AGI, 7 LCK, 6 END and the rest was 5 (gifted perk).

    Got Small Guns up to 131% and Im still getting:

    >82% hit chance

    >You missed.

    >You missed.

    >You critically missed and lost all your ammo.

    >Bandit was hit for 13 damage.

    >Bandit was hit for 50 damage.

    >You missed.

    So this game is, in fact, not much of an RPG, since it seems to just rely on the dice rolls. It doesnt seem to matter if your luck is high or if your skills are high, the game does whatever it wants. The damage is inconistent, the hits and misses are complete and utter BS. I got more hits, for more damage, using the combat shotgun with 3 LCK and 4 STR on one of my first characters. Im using the combat shotgun and unarmed weapons/pistols on the more optimized character and the results are as shown above for about 80% of my encounters. I've also noticed alot of weird stuff that seemed to have been missed during playtesting (the P90 unloads 9mm ammo, but only loads 10mm ammo, for example.) Feel free to tell me if Ive done anything wrong here, I really want to experience this game and like it.

     

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Im starting school again. That will give me around 600 euro a month (which is incredibly good for just going to school and getting chances to learn new professions, I gotta hand it to you, Sweden, you did it right this time.) so that will probably be a nice change of pace.

    I share your mentality about pushing on, however, now alot of people have told me that if I dont pull breaks real soon, I might actually hit the wall, I have no energy to push on. (Im not gonna kill myself, dont worry) I know what you mean with not giving up, but there is barely any energy for that either. My memory feels like its failing, I get like stress spikes, Im always tired and so on. (Told my friend about this and she told me that weed is perfect for this. Stop with the fucking weed, goddamn, it is not the solution to every problem in the world, and if you think that weed will solve all your problems, then you've just created a new problem.)

     

    Thanks for being so helpful, I really do appreciate it, its so nice to hear someone say that I can talk to them if I need to.

    Im gonna study now until September and then Ill hopefuly get into the car mechanic program and finally get to work with something that I really want to.

     

    I feel like I cant just bail on people who need help, usually. Ive started telling these people when they start writing on Facebook/steam/text messages, that Ill gladly talk to them, but I cant deal with any of their problems. So far, two have been understanding, one was pissed and one just jokes everything away. If people get pissed at you when you've been there for them for a long time, then they dont deserve to be your friends.

     

    Something really nice did happen today, though. Got a call from work asking me if I can take a bunch of shifts, so rent is covered next month. So thats a big load taken off my back. I also finally learned to appreciate ASMR, its been a great crutch these past months, watch ASMR 'til you feel really tired and go to bed, beats alcohol and probably weed every day of the week.

     

    Again, thank you, I dont think you know how nice it was to read your reply.

    Oh wow, starting school back up? :) I think that'd be very nice for you, be doing something else for a change, feel a bit more productive and given more opportunities in many different ways. I'm glad you're staying away from the weed though lol I don't have anything against people who do smoke weed, but at the end of the day, it costs so much and gives so little. IMO it's really not worth it. So I hope you keep up your stubbornness there to refuse it. XD

    With your friends though, yes, I totally agree. If a friend gets angry at you for something as little as that, if they cannot give you your own freedom and space, they are no friend. I've had plenty of experience with those types... :S Just try to not let their annoyances get to you. If they're mad over something so silly, it's their fault, not yours.

    Keep up the good work though! Working and what not... I can't really imagine how much of a relief that sum of money is. The only thing I can compare it to for myself is the stress of not being able to pay for my phone credit. XD So mild. So I applaud you, sir.

    And I appreciate the thanks. <3

     

    Yeah school is probably gonna let my brain wind down and I can "land" again. Hopefully Ill make some new friends.

    Yeah Im not one for anything harder than alcohol and Ive learned to handle alcohol, I know my limit and at what point of intoxication Ill have the most fun and be able to control myself.

    Friends need to understand that it works both ways. I have one friend who understands this, and Im grateful for him, but he is having a much too rough time to be listening to my problems and I respect that. I know that he will be there for me once all of this blows over for him.

    Im glad that I can usually read people really well and also take a step back and read a situation. Why is this person mad? Is it his/hers wrongdoing or is it mine? Etc.

     

    That sum of money is a great relief. I still have to work 5 shifts a month to keep my current job, but 5 shifts is not alot in a month and the extra cash is always welcome. (Ill be earning about 900 euros after taxes at that rate, which covers more than everything for me.

    Hey, all bills are a stressfactor, phone bill or rent, its still something that just lays there in your mind and phone bills tend to be WAY to expensive considering what a phone costs. (Bought my new one for about 39 euro, which was cheap, on black friday, was using an old samsung button one up until that point :) )

    Thanks for the applause!

    <3 back at you! :)

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Im sorry guys, here I go again. This is the only place that I can vent. Im just happy that this page exists. Ive missed AF. I wish I could say something more, but I dont want to get preachy and play the victim. Im just gonna try to hang around the forums and actually help you guys, as you've helped me so many times.

    There is ALOT of anger in this. If you're already feeling down, please dont read this. I dont want to make anyone feel any worse.

    Sounds like you need a really long break there, mate. :S Unfortunately life is kinda shit... :\ And you kinda have to convince yourself that if you keep pushing on you'll eventually get to a better state. You don't owe us anything though. If you want to come here and do nothing but vent, go ahead. XD I certainly don't mind. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me or anything. There's probably not a whole lot I can do but if you just want to spill out your guts to me, sure thing. XP

    Anyway, I just recommend you try and find a new job, anywhere else seems to be favorable. Don't force yourself to keep on helping others. You're a human being, not a mindless punching bag. Give yourself a break, just step away from everyone for a while. And if people start complaining; "Why weren't you there for me?", then you can just ask them that right back. :)

     

    Im starting school again. That will give me around 600 euro a month (which is incredibly good for just going to school and getting chances to learn new professions, I gotta hand it to you, Sweden, you did it right this time.) so that will probably be a nice change of pace.

    I share your mentality about pushing on, however, now alot of people have told me that if I dont pull breaks real soon, I might actually hit the wall, I have no energy to push on. (Im not gonna kill myself, dont worry) I know what you mean with not giving up, but there is barely any energy for that either. My memory feels like its failing, I get like stress spikes, Im always tired and so on. (Told my friend about this and she told me that weed is perfect for this. Stop with the fucking weed, goddamn, it is not the solution to every problem in the world, and if you think that weed will solve all your problems, then you've just created a new problem.)

     

    Thanks for being so helpful, I really do appreciate it, its so nice to hear someone say that I can talk to them if I need to.

    Im gonna study now until September and then Ill hopefuly get into the car mechanic program and finally get to work with something that I really want to.

     

    I feel like I cant just bail on people who need help, usually. Ive started telling these people when they start writing on Facebook/steam/text messages, that Ill gladly talk to them, but I cant deal with any of their problems. So far, two have been understanding, one was pissed and one just jokes everything away. If people get pissed at you when you've been there for them for a long time, then they dont deserve to be your friends.

     

    Something really nice did happen today, though. Got a call from work asking me if I can take a bunch of shifts, so rent is covered next month. So thats a big load taken off my back. I also finally learned to appreciate ASMR, its been a great crutch these past months, watch ASMR 'til you feel really tired and go to bed, beats alcohol and probably weed every day of the week.

     

    Again, thank you, I dont think you know how nice it was to read your reply.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Im sorry guys, here I go again. This is the only place that I can vent. Im just happy that this page exists. Ive missed AF. I wish I could say something more, but I dont want to get preachy and play the victim. Im just gonna try to hang around the forums and actually help you guys, as you've helped me so many times.

    There is ALOT of anger in this. If you're already feeling down, please dont read this. I dont want to make anyone feel any worse.

     

     

    Im so fucking burned out. Everyone treats me like Im Dr. Phil.

    Everyone I meet seem to have a shit ton of problems they can just dump right in my arms and go away. Forget about me sharing anything, though.

     

    A little run-down of whats been going on:

    1. Work. My job is so fucking depressing. How can we let old people live like this? We have some of the worlds highest taxes and yet, our elderly live alone, depressed and dont have money for anything. They can barely afford food. I go home to about 20 elderly (and some disabled younger ones, too) a day, and I usually have 10 minutes for each person. I usually only have time to make food for them and then I gotta leave. I try to get to work early, I usually skip my breaks so that I can give them more time, but the schedule doesnt allow it, so you gotta run to the next person. The people I work with are mostly women in their 50s who've worked the same job WAY too long. They go have angry outbursts at the elderly because they are slow. They treat their coworkers like shit, so I couldnt keep being nice and helpful at work, I had to scream at some of my colleagues because they are so fucking dense and always try to blame me for their own faults. Stop talking shit and get some real problems, you middle-upperclass fucking morons. Oh, and get a different proffession where you dont have to care for anyone, go get locked up in a warehouse somewhere so that people dont have to deal with your bullshit.

     

    2. Economy. Im burned out, I cant work, even if I want to (which I do...) so my economy is going to hell, I might not make rent.

     

    3. "Friends". So I have a few newer-ish friends, and we usually hang out. However, whenever we're all gathered, they just want to do one thing: smoke weed. I dont want to fucking smoke weed, I want to hang out with my friends. I want to sit and talk shit, watch a movie etc. what the fuck is wrong with people?! "Hey, I got some stuff today, you guys wanna get fucked up?" No, I fucking dont. So they smoke and I sit there watching everyone being retarded. Great.

    Im also apperantly everyones psychologist. They dump their problems on me, and rarely I get to share my problems. Told one of these people that I wasnt feeling good (anxiety was through the roof) can you guess what he responded? "Mhmm." Fuck you and your "Mhmm".

    I also have to act like a relationship-counselour to 2 people, because they cant talk to eachother, I keep telling them: "Talk to your bf/gf because I cant help!" They dont give a fuck. So I basically told them to go get their shit together.

     

    4. Friends. Real ones, this time. My friends girlfriends brother died just a few weeks ago. I try to be supportive but I dont know what the fuck to say... My friends gf just survived cancer, and then she gets hit with this shit? She doesnt deserve this... and I cant fucking help.

     

    5. Family. I love my dad, but he does some stupid shit sometimes. He always told me that I cannot work at his store because he would give me special treatment, which I can totally understand. He didnt want me driving any of the cars we had, he kicked me out of the house because I lost my first real job (thats another story, though) and he just thought I was a lazy fat bum. My step-brother works at my dads store, as does his sister. He drives one of our cars, he QUIT his job because it was a little hard or some whiny bullshit, he still lives at home, for FREE. The worst part of all, is that he seems to be living on my dads money. Can you imagine the shame? Living on someone else's fathers money? What a little fucking rat. He seems to think he is hot shit as well because he dresses fancy.

    My step-father helped me this autumn, he made me get up at 7 am, eat breakfast with the family and then do EVERYTHING around the house, which was healthy, I lost a ton of weight and I got into routines. It then turned out that he was actually using me because he is a lazy disrespectful ego-maniac, so I was (and still am) pretty fucking pissed. He liked to yell at me for doing exactly what he wanted and then smile at me when I came home. He is also still pissy at me because I got my own car. He thought that I should take the bus because it would make me learn how life works or something. He doesnt know what Ive been through. Im so glad that I have my mom and my little sister. As of this moment, they might be the only people keeping me alive.

     

    Me telling my dad that I had PTSD was like talking to a brick wall. Telling my step-dad that I had PTSD was interesting. He said that it was a "new challenge in life" FUCK THAT STUPID POSITIVE THINKING BULLSHIT. Its a NEW CHALLENGE? Ive had it since I was 8 because you didnt raise your son, and you never told him to STOP when he was tearing down half the fucking house, you naïve moron. I think alot of people in my life should try getting through 2 rapes and some sexual abuse, and also getting knocked out by your older "brother", not getting any food for up to 2 days, and having to walk into town, to school, looking like a victim of a train-wreck. Then they can see what kind of a fucking NEW CHALLENGE IT IS, to be scared for your life 24/7. To be constantly hungry and having the people who are supposed to protect you, be away for MONTHS. So you get to take care of yourself at the age of 11-12, not being sure about your sexuality and hating yourself even more because of all this. Thinking about killing yourself everyday, crying yourself to sleep, getting angry outbursts, living with life-long damages from all the concussions, and ending up as a 20 year old who cant work because of all of this shit, a 20 year old who has to take all his friends problems on his back and carry that shit for everyone. Maybe then, JUST MAYBE THEN, they wouldnt say: "Get a grip.".

    I have no one to turn to.

     

     

    Short version: Ho1LgF8ys-c

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    You should definitely "clear the air" with your friends and family, so to speak. Make time to sit them down and explain your feelings on how you don't want to be treated differently just because you've discovered a certain aspect of your sexuality you didn't fully realize you had until now. Not everyone is going to be able to switch off about the subject of your homosexuality (or your own preferred term) but it's worth being patient with the people trying too hard to "accept" you or whatever. Eventually, if they really are friends, they'll likely adjust to your relationship and start treating you as the same self-effacing person you strike me as here.

     

    Even the most liberal minded and accepting tendencies in popular consensus tend to pigeonhole individuals and gender/sexcuality roles, we tend to think of black and white ungraduated thinking as the preserve of intolerant bigots. But those who are tolerant of homosexuality and other orientations can still have overtly simplistic views and understandings of people's relationships. There is a discernible Gay (capitalization intended) counterculture as well as a perceived trope of queerness in the mainstream that all too often colours the image and assumed roles of anyone who has ever held romantic feelings towards someone of their own sex.

     

    My rambling aside, I hope things get easier and less awkward for you. I really do!

     

    Im not the best when it comes to answering in a "smart" way (or in more than 2 sentances), so bear with me.

    Clearing the air is sort of what I want to do, but at the same time, I dont.

    For me, this thing should be 100% normal, but I know this is just me wanting to go against the mainstream and not make myself a celebrity.

    I mean, Ill say "yes" if someone asks me if Im in love with another guy, and Ill answer truthfully if someone asks me if I have a relationship etc. but I cant really sit down and talk about this with family, because for me, it goes against all of my values (atleast when it comes to this). I think my dad is gonna have HUGE problems with me being with another guy, but he's gonna have to deal with it. I think, however, that if I just show up with a guy at home without having said anything, this will take him by suprise and make it less dramatic for everyone. I could be wrong, though.

     

    I hope that you are right about everything in this post, that eventually, people will just forget about it and start acting like they used to.

    I read the last part and its a very good way to summarize the entire situation. I think the best thing people could do, is to start joking about everything, because that is a great way of breaking the ice about these sort of things.

     

    Thanks for the support!

    Im sorry my reply was late.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    I have another vent aswell:

     

    Recently realized that Im in love with another guy. This makes NO difference to me personally, and I dont want to make a big deal out of it, (yet here I am) love is beautiful no matter what, right? Well for some people this is the biggest thing that has EVER happened.

    Im meeting friends who go: "So I heard that you're gay now? Im so glad that you can admit that, you're so brave!"

    Im not brave, and Im not gay. I hate these fucking labels. Im inlove with another person with the same gender as me, big fucking deal. Im still me, no? I havent changed simply because of being in love with ONE person.

    A girl was actually thrown out of McDonalds because she kept saying that I wasnt really in love with a guy and that I was just faking it. She got thrown out for "homophobic comments" which is great fun and all (she was a real bitch the whole evening) but couldnt she have been thrown out for being a bitch, then?

    Some people have made gay jokes and then gone: "Oh my god, Im so sorry!"

    FOR WHAT?! IT WAS A FUNNY JOKE, LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP.

    And a few of my friends have started tip-toing around me, I assume because they're afraid that I would be offended.

    I make gay jokes myself! If you ever met me, you would know that I do not get offended very easily, I can joke about ANYTHING.

    I dont even care about the people telling me its wrong, I can just tell them to go mind their own goddamn business, but the sensitive "understanding" people can really fuck off.

    But the worst part, the WORST part is the few girls that have told me: "I could use a new gay friend." How about I just be your friend? Or better yet, how about you go fuck off somewhere else, and talk to people about your problems, because guess what? I dont give a shit about you, I just met you, I do not know you, and in fact, Im starting to really, REALLY not fucking like you, you idiot. You could use a new gay friend? Well I could use a new car, but not everyone gets what they want, now do they?

     

    Fucking people, I swear to fucking god.

    Im not even gay either, Ive been inlove with girls, Ive had 2 girlfriends, I just happen to like a guy, why does it matter so much?

     

    I gotta say, though, being inlove is the worst part in all of this, fuck me it sucks (hehe, sucks...)

    I would suggest not mentioning it and lay low in general if you want peace and quiet. Right now being any sort of sexuality other than straight is considered an amazing accomplishment that should be praised and celebrated. While I'm all for acceptance people should respect other's privacy.

     

    The problem is that I live in a very small town, so if one person hears it, then in just a few days, the rest of the town knows it, too.

    Come to think of it, that is not really a problem. The problem is that people (like you say) see this as some sort of accomplishment.

    Im in love, gee, that sure is something that Ive worked hard for all my life and should be praised for.

     

    Edit: I cant just not mention it, because if someone asks me if Im in love, or have someone special, I just cant lie. This is me not thinking that its such a big deal, not understanding that other people might see it like one.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Vent:

     

    A while back I got my first car. After driving it for like 45 minutes, the brakes stopped working (on a 80 km/h strip), we got it fixed and I kept driving it.

    I noticed pretty early on that the car jumped whenever you changed gears, but both a mechanic and my friend (who is a hobby mechanic) said that there was nothing to worry about.

    After about 2 weeks of owning this car, the engine decided that it was gonna retire and collapsed.

    The things that hold the engine up (Im too lazy to look up the english word, but not lazy enough to write all of this explaining myself) had just broken off, completely.

     

    So I was without a car untill just this week, when I bought my second car off a friend.

    What do you think happened just an hour ago?

    Me and few friends were cruising around and I start hearing a sound that sounds like a bird chirping, coming from the right front wheel.

    So I call up my hobby mechanic friend, he comes over and takes it for a spin and tells me "the brakes are locking up".

    I drove it home SLOWLY, and once I got out of the car it just smelled like burned brakes.

     

    Can I just PLEASE for the love of FUCK have a goddamn car that fucking works? I just want to go into town, maybe cruise around a bit and then go home.

    I dont even want anything special, just a car thats cheap to own, doesnt drink up all the gasoline right away and thats fairly comfortable to drive.

    I ask for so little.

     

    Now all of the kids thats out burning rubber every night, their cars dont brake down, oh no.

    I always stick to the speed limit, I know how to drive a car in order for it to not take too much damage, but they still break down.

     

     

    I have another vent aswell:

     

    Recently realized that Im in love with another guy. This makes NO difference to me personally, and I dont want to make a big deal out of it, (yet here I am) love is beautiful no matter what, right? Well for some people this is the biggest thing that has EVER happened.

    Im meeting friends who go: "So I heard that you're gay now? Im so glad that you can admit that, you're so brave!"

    Im not brave, and Im not gay. I hate these fucking labels. Im inlove with another person with the same gender as me, big fucking deal. Im still me, no? I havent changed simply because of being in love with ONE person.

    A girl was actually thrown out of McDonalds because she kept saying that I wasnt really in love with a guy and that I was just faking it. She got thrown out for "homophobic comments" which is great fun and all (she was a real bitch the whole evening) but couldnt she have been thrown out for being a bitch, then?

    Some people have made gay jokes and then gone: "Oh my god, Im so sorry!"

    FOR WHAT?! IT WAS A FUNNY JOKE, LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP.

    And a few of my friends have started tip-toing around me, I assume because they're afraid that I would be offended.

    I make gay jokes myself! If you ever met me, you would know that I do not get offended very easily, I can joke about ANYTHING.

    I dont even care about the people telling me its wrong, I can just tell them to go mind their own goddamn business, but the sensitive "understanding" people can really fuck off.

    But the worst part, the WORST part is the few girls that have told me: "I could use a new gay friend." How about I just be your friend? Or better yet, how about you go fuck off somewhere else, and talk to people about your problems, because guess what? I dont give a shit about you, I just met you, I do not know you, and in fact, Im starting to really, REALLY not fucking like you, you idiot. You could use a new gay friend? Well I could use a new car, but not everyone gets what they want, now do they?

     

    Fucking people, I swear to fucking god.

    Im not even gay either, Ive been inlove with girls, Ive had 2 girlfriends, I just happen to like a guy, why does it matter so much?

     

    I gotta say, though, being inlove is the worst part in all of this, fuck me it sucks (hehe, sucks...)

     

    Rate the Last Movie you saw.

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Mad Max 6/10

    I liked it

     

    Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior 7/10

    I liked it even more

     

    Mad Max 3: Beyond thunderdome

    As a Mad Max movie, it gets 3/10

    As an Indiana Jones movie, it gets 7/10

     

    Mad Max: Fury Road 7/10

    I rewatched this, and its still great.

     

    Star Trek: Beyond 2/10

    This wasnt even a train wreck that I wanted to look at (and it never ended either).

    It felt like a really badly written fan fiction by a child, seriously.

    I will say, though, that the scenes between Bones and Spock were GREAT.

     

    Trainspotting 7/10

    Fight Club and Requiem for a dream mixed into one movie, with a little bit of Snatch.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    I want to thank everyone for this thread existing in these times.

     

     

    Throughout my life, Ive always gotten extreme headaches whenever there is alot of noise (many people talking at the same time at a loud volume is a prime example) which causes me to either shut everything out or getting pissed off because no-one shuts the hell up.

    Now when I got my ADHD diagnosis, they told me this: "You've got ADHD." That was it. Ive made a few friends with ADHD who has told me that they experience the same exact thing.

     

    On to the vent:

    My aunt came here yesterday, I havent met her since 2011, so I figured that it would be fun.

    Boy, was I wrong...

    She always ALWAYS has to talk, she'll interrupt anyone mid sentance and have some retarded story to tell. She also gets a little bit too drunk during the night and always talks really fucking loud. Whenever me or someone else is telling my little sister that what she did was wrong, my aunt always comes in and screams louder than everyone else, saying: "You're only a kid! You should do these things!"

    Just 5 minutes before I started writing, we were playing a game (basically trivia) and my mom and my stepdad started fighting over some stupid shit again, my aunt is screaming things constantly about how stupid they are for fighting, she interrupts everyone when they are reading the questions etc. so I had to leave. I didnt fucking want to leave, I love playing trivia with my family, its really fun.

     

    Ive fucking had it, mom seems really sick of her aswell.

     

    Oh yeah, she also keeps telling me how she's gonna buy me a car before they leave, but every morning she just says: "I was a little drunk, I was just joking."

    I never asked for a car (I just told them that I would like to own a Volvo Amazon or a Volvo 242 sometime) so stop fucking around, either buy me a car or shut the hell up. Dont get my hopes up like that. (Half-joke rant, I dont need someone to buy a car for me, I already have one, but still, dont do that.)

     

     

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    Share your feelings!

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    I actually suggest you get a second opinion from another doctor if possible. From what I understand having medical anxiety and medical ADHD isn't actually possible since they affect the same parts of the brain. (may have interpreted that wrong when my psychologist told me that) Generally ADHD can lead to anxiety-like symptoms due to stress created by having trouble focusing when you need/want to. And unless you've experienced any traumatic events (I won't pry if you have) but you shouldn't have PTSD before any service. (Yes I'm aware that you can get PTSD without being in the military.)

     

    All in all, I suggest you get a second opinion and keep your head high. PTSD can be overcome and if you can learn some coping methods for ADHD and anxiety you should be able to still qualify. And as much as no one ever wants to hear it, keep yourself open to new possibilities. You may yet still find something you love to do and could even use that ADHD superfocus we can get to your advantage.

     

     

    As for me, I myself have been rather withdrawn from social contact lately due to stress. I tend to think far into the future and have given myself anxiety over knowing I'm probably never gonna have a good retirement plan. That combined with the stress of needing to get my fucked up knee fixed, which probably is a life-long problem anyways at this point, I've been kinda a wreck. Damaged cartilage doesn't grow back. It can only be operated on to cause less problems or replaced in surgery. :/

     

    Well Ive gotten 2 opinions over the years. The first one I got when I was 12 and they told me that I "might" have ADHD.

    However, I hated going there so much, so I stopped.

    I got diagnosed with PTSD last year actually, I finally went to a "real" shrink (terapeut or whatever its called in english) and she told me that ADHD is certainly a thing for me aswell.

     

    Now at this same time I was getting tested for epilepsy (spelling) since I was passing out all the time (Id always get a high pulse, have a hard time breathing and feeling like I was gonna vomit right before it). Doctors called me back after a long time and told me that I do not have epilepsy, but rather anxiety attacks.

    At this same time, my dad wanted to talk and he asked me: "Why do you sometimes start twitching and then just stare off into space for 10 seconds? Ive noticed this all your life, but Ive never really gotten around to asking."

    Guess what? Anxiety attacks. The scary part about this is that Ive NEVER started twitching and stared off into space. ...until the doctors told me that this is a symptom of the attack. The space staring is my mind sort of shutting off for a brief period and I dont remember the attack, which is really terrifying.

     

    I honestly dont have the money for a second (third) opinion, though it would be nice to be sure.

     

    Ive never worried over my retirement (mostly because I never planned to live for long), so I usually take everything as it comes, but I can certainly understand why this would get you worried. I think you should probably just take every day as it comes and be sure to save a little each month (thats my plan atleast, but Im no expert)

    Also, I got fired for busting my knee a while back, so we're in the same boat, my fellow knee-breaker (and it gets better, but its never as good, mine still hurts, make sure you put weight onto your bad knee even if it hurts a little at first).

     

    Aw man, that's gotta suck. :( I'm really sorry about that. But know, you're really not alone on this one. I wanted to be a pilot when I was younger, hehe. I absolutely planes, and I love flying, every single second of it, even when the weather is shit. :P Especially when the weather is shit actually. But alas, my vision is absolutely terrible - so I can't be a pilot.

    I also wanted to be a pilot when I was younger!

    Poor eye-sight and being tall put a stop to that dream, though.

     

    But I just... worked on my hobbies and thought of some other things to dream for. :D You're probably extremely mad and disappointed, it's a very undesirable feeling I'm sure. But the best thing to do about it is to look for other things. You'll find something new to strive for and you can be happy that you're still on the road to something. Not your original plan, of course, but at least you've got SOMETHING. It's better than sitting and doing nothing. If you do that, that emptiness isn't going to go away, I assure you. Good luck with it! ^-^

    You know, I actually do have another thing I want to do, and that is to learn how to fix cars and such. My friend's dad said that he'd be happy to teach me as soon as he's on vacation.

     

    Thank you both for the answers!

    Sorry if I always answer a bit short, its just how I am.

    Share your feelings!

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Ive always wanted to join the Swedish military, its been my "dream" since like age 14 or so.

    Now I went to a shrink and I regret every second of it.

    I got diagnosed with some stuff:

    PTSD

    ADHD

    Anxiety attacks

    Im not getting into any military, am I?

     

    I feel empty and slightly depressed, Ive lost most of my motivation to go outside running and people keep telling me that Im quiet and distant.

    On the plus side, I finally moved away from home and got myself a job at a retirement home, so Im also slightly relieved and happy.

     

    Im in the weird middle of feelings.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Got fired from my 2 jobs because I more or less broke my knee and couldnt walk for 3 days, plus a boss yelling at me over the phone telling me I was fucking this up for everybody since he has no other employes that can take over at the restaurant. Wonder whose fault that was you fucking retard...

     

    Also got kicked out of the house for being "Lazy".

    I just worked for 5 weeks straight, every day for ATLEAST 10 hours per day without any break or lunch, and Im fucking lazy? Fuck that.

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Woah, wait wait wait... Calm down...

     

    Look, crime is always an issue and when you have such a massive influx of an arguably more primitive culture, an increase in violent crime is to be expected... But before you blow your top - let's just establish what is it that you want to see? How do you want the situation to be handled?

     

    Oh, and bearing in mind of course that there are native murderers and child rapists in Sweden, just like anywhere, and that there always were...

     

    Regards

    Yeah I know that there are swedish rapists and murderers.

    If you look at recent events however, such crimes have increased drastically with the huge flow of immigrants to this country (like you say). It seems that the same is true for Germany.

     

    How do I want it to be handled?

    If a person who has fled to this country, commits such an act, they should be sent back. I know, I know: "But they might get killed in their home country!" Yeah, well you know what? I do not care. You get to stay in this country, with free healthcare, free housing (which alot of swedes have been queing for, for several years now) and free food and yet, you rape or kill someone, you dont deserve to stay. As for swedish rapists and killers, I would like to see the same thing actually, expel (extradite?) these psychos aswell, and such crime would probably decrease ALOT.

    I would also like the police to stop being such giant pussies, and do their job. Maybe do a Ferguson in the worst neighbourhoods and send in the homeguard, lets see who throws rocks and light cars on fire when people with automatic weapons starts patrolling.

     

    That or, you know, imprisonment. If we start putting these people in prison however, they would probably come out angrier than before.

     

    So you make it VERY clear to them when they get here, that if you commit such a crime (rape, murder etc.) you get kicked out of here.

     

    I would also like the amount of people coming here to be significantly decreased. Other countries have the ability to take these people in, why should we take such a big chunk?

    With a smaller amount of people coming here, it would also be alot easier to integrate them into our society. Teach them that women here dont dress like the women in their home country. Teach them what is acceptable here in Sweden. If we would do this, this probably wouldnt be such a huge issue.

     

    Oh, I forgot to mention! The police have been given very clear instructions regarding crimes with immigrants or people of different ethnic decent.

    They are to keep it a secret to the public if the perpetrator is of a different ethnicity than swedish. They even have a new code for these kinds of crimes: "291".

    Vent

    in Free-For-All

    Posted

    Will this madness ever end?

     

    There have been several rapes and sexual harrasment cases by people with a non-swedish backround (mostly africans and somalians).

    Do you think anyone cares about this? Do you think anything is being done to prevent it? NO! It fucking isnt.

    2 girls were touched by a group of immigrants (and yeah, they are immigrants, sue me) at the local bathhouse/swimming pool or whatever the fuck its called, where I live.

    The girls were 11 and 14. ELEVEN AND FOURTEEN. The lifeguard didnt want to do anything because "Its sensitive to point out a group."

    Oh it is? Its sensitive to STOP A FUCKING CRIME HAPPENING TO 2 CHILDREN BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE COMMITING THE CRIME ARE NOT SWEDISH?

     

    A person was murdered a few days ago. A swedish politician went out and said that: "My thoughts are with the killer." She also said some fucked up things about him also being a human-being. Why did she do this? Because he is an immigrant, and saying that he is a fucking psycho that should be imprisoned for life would be RACIST. Oh dear, we dont want to be racist, do we?

     

    A man from africa raped a girl. He now feels that HE IS MISTREATED for being pointed out. He also said that: "I wasnt raping her, I was only hitting her."

    Oh well excuse the fuck out of me, then! If you only hit her, thats fine! Please, have some more free health care and money.

     

    But the worst part. The WORST FUCKING PART, is that the police are SCARED of being in neighbourhoods with alot of immigrants.

    They had to flee from a house because they couldnt handle the 10-15 immigrants in there. If the people who have guns are afraid, then the rest of us should be really fucking scared by now, and I mean scared for our lives. But Im not, Im just very worried about our future, about my little sister who might have to grow up in a "multi-cultural" society which has one dominating culture.

    My mom studies in Stockholm and she takes the subway late at night, and Im worried about her, Im really worried. Should I have to be this worried? No. However, this is the new sweden, the sweden where the women should respect the fact that some people look down on women, they should be wearing fully-covering clothes so that they dont get raped. We should NOT teach people who come here that rape is not OK! ....that would be racist.

     

    I cannot take much more of this. I seriously cannot.

     

    I understand why people turn to racism and hate towards other ethnicities now, I really do. Im not gonna turn into one of those people because I have friends from Kurdistan and Africa and they have never raped or killed anybody. It is also because its not really the fault of the refugees, its the fault of our braindead, stupid, retarded, spineless politicians.

    I hope we reinstate capital punishment for some of our current politicians, we need some french revolution shit happening right now.

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