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Doublenature

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  1. Am I allowed to rejoin the AF community? Discord name is Cipher#9778
  2. Im confused Im angry I feel great anxiety, even though I dont really care, except I do Im in love but Im not People just seem to laugh at my problems I feel like I have nowhere to turn, but at the same time, I kinda do I procrastinate even though I know that it will cost me my apartment I see no reason in anything even though I still do I get pissed at people when they cant leave me the fuck alone when I tell them that I want to be alone Everyone just wants sex, nobody wants love People try to manipulate me for sex I cant find myself in this mess The person I love, I always let go because I figure he isnt interested but then, always, never an exception, he gets in touch the next day. Meanwhile all these fucking people just want to get high, get drunk and have sex I hate them so fucking much, I just want to punch someone in the face. A family member of mine laughed at me when I said that I might have Borderline disorder Friends use me, makes me apply myself just for them to go: "Eh, fuck it. You stayed up all night, spent your money on coffee and energy drinks and gasoline so that you could pick me up at 10am, so that I would be in time for a job interview? Well guess what, Im not fucking going." Again, all I have are my family, a few friends and my music. I help everyone but nobody seems to help me or even understand, except family one friend and music as usual. I dont want to keep playing this stupid game. I dont want to kill myself, I just dont want to keep going. I dont know what the fuck to do, Im slowly getting pulled back to my roots of hating everything. I dont know why I tried to fool myself that it was any different. I tried to be a happy and helpful person but Im so fucking done with that shit, since life likes to remind me that its all a big pile of shit.
  3. I love the second one. You just gave me a new phone wallpaper, thank you!
  4. Thank you! Ive basically quit now, Im just gonna wait for my contract to expire, so that it doesnt hurt my job searching in the future. Oh god, parents and smelly foods... I know this all too well.
  5. Im done. Im quitting tomorrow. This one actually has some humour in it.
  6. Great game, though. The final boss was a bit... meh. Other than that, a solid game. Did you like it? Im watching the VICE documentary about the KKK and the Crips. I was interested in hearing what both sides had to say, the KKK is a group that Ive never had any knowledge about other than movies, and I was wondering if they have been misrepresented. It turns out, they were not misrepresented. Holy crap these people are fucking stupid. I am in no way a white supremacist, my views are very anarchic (punk is probably a better word), but Im always interested in different groups, religions etc. Its always interesting to see if the stereotype is accurate. Stereotypes always come from somwhere, but this is just ridiculous.
  7. Finally gave up on Fallout 2. Atleast I gave it a good 20 hours before I finally made up my mind. I went in with a very open mind, I learned all the mechanics from scratch, but the game just wont let me like it. Im gonna see if Fallout 1 (which I couldnt get into before) is better.
  8. Oh wow, starting school back up? I think that'd be very nice for you, be doing something else for a change, feel a bit more productive and given more opportunities in many different ways. I'm glad you're staying away from the weed though lol I don't have anything against people who do smoke weed, but at the end of the day, it costs so much and gives so little. IMO it's really not worth it. So I hope you keep up your stubbornness there to refuse it. XD With your friends though, yes, I totally agree. If a friend gets angry at you for something as little as that, if they cannot give you your own freedom and space, they are no friend. I've had plenty of experience with those types... :S Just try to not let their annoyances get to you. If they're mad over something so silly, it's their fault, not yours. Keep up the good work though! Working and what not... I can't really imagine how much of a relief that sum of money is. The only thing I can compare it to for myself is the stress of not being able to pay for my phone credit. XD So mild. So I applaud you, sir. And I appreciate the thanks. <3 Yeah school is probably gonna let my brain wind down and I can "land" again. Hopefully Ill make some new friends. Yeah Im not one for anything harder than alcohol and Ive learned to handle alcohol, I know my limit and at what point of intoxication Ill have the most fun and be able to control myself. Friends need to understand that it works both ways. I have one friend who understands this, and Im grateful for him, but he is having a much too rough time to be listening to my problems and I respect that. I know that he will be there for me once all of this blows over for him. Im glad that I can usually read people really well and also take a step back and read a situation. Why is this person mad? Is it his/hers wrongdoing or is it mine? Etc. That sum of money is a great relief. I still have to work 5 shifts a month to keep my current job, but 5 shifts is not alot in a month and the extra cash is always welcome. (Ill be earning about 900 euros after taxes at that rate, which covers more than everything for me. Hey, all bills are a stressfactor, phone bill or rent, its still something that just lays there in your mind and phone bills tend to be WAY to expensive considering what a phone costs. (Bought my new one for about 39 euro, which was cheap, on black friday, was using an old samsung button one up until that point ) Thanks for the applause! <3 back at you!
  9. Sounds like you need a really long break there, mate. :S Unfortunately life is kinda shit... :\ And you kinda have to convince yourself that if you keep pushing on you'll eventually get to a better state. You don't owe us anything though. If you want to come here and do nothing but vent, go ahead. XD I certainly don't mind. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me or anything. There's probably not a whole lot I can do but if you just want to spill out your guts to me, sure thing. XP Anyway, I just recommend you try and find a new job, anywhere else seems to be favorable. Don't force yourself to keep on helping others. You're a human being, not a mindless punching bag. Give yourself a break, just step away from everyone for a while. And if people start complaining; "Why weren't you there for me?", then you can just ask them that right back. Im starting school again. That will give me around 600 euro a month (which is incredibly good for just going to school and getting chances to learn new professions, I gotta hand it to you, Sweden, you did it right this time.) so that will probably be a nice change of pace. I share your mentality about pushing on, however, now alot of people have told me that if I dont pull breaks real soon, I might actually hit the wall, I have no energy to push on. (Im not gonna kill myself, dont worry) I know what you mean with not giving up, but there is barely any energy for that either. My memory feels like its failing, I get like stress spikes, Im always tired and so on. (Told my friend about this and she told me that weed is perfect for this. Stop with the fucking weed, goddamn, it is not the solution to every problem in the world, and if you think that weed will solve all your problems, then you've just created a new problem.) Thanks for being so helpful, I really do appreciate it, its so nice to hear someone say that I can talk to them if I need to. Im gonna study now until September and then Ill hopefuly get into the car mechanic program and finally get to work with something that I really want to. I feel like I cant just bail on people who need help, usually. Ive started telling these people when they start writing on Facebook/steam/text messages, that Ill gladly talk to them, but I cant deal with any of their problems. So far, two have been understanding, one was pissed and one just jokes everything away. If people get pissed at you when you've been there for them for a long time, then they dont deserve to be your friends. Something really nice did happen today, though. Got a call from work asking me if I can take a bunch of shifts, so rent is covered next month. So thats a big load taken off my back. I also finally learned to appreciate ASMR, its been a great crutch these past months, watch ASMR 'til you feel really tired and go to bed, beats alcohol and probably weed every day of the week. Again, thank you, I dont think you know how nice it was to read your reply.
  10. Im sorry guys, here I go again. This is the only place that I can vent. Im just happy that this page exists. Ive missed AF. I wish I could say something more, but I dont want to get preachy and play the victim. Im just gonna try to hang around the forums and actually help you guys, as you've helped me so many times. There is ALOT of anger in this. If you're already feeling down, please dont read this. I dont want to make anyone feel any worse. Short version: Ho1LgF8ys-c
  11. Happy birthday! I hope you have a great day!
  12. Im not the best when it comes to answering in a "smart" way (or in more than 2 sentances), so bear with me. Clearing the air is sort of what I want to do, but at the same time, I dont. For me, this thing should be 100% normal, but I know this is just me wanting to go against the mainstream and not make myself a celebrity. I mean, Ill say "yes" if someone asks me if Im in love with another guy, and Ill answer truthfully if someone asks me if I have a relationship etc. but I cant really sit down and talk about this with family, because for me, it goes against all of my values (atleast when it comes to this). I think my dad is gonna have HUGE problems with me being with another guy, but he's gonna have to deal with it. I think, however, that if I just show up with a guy at home without having said anything, this will take him by suprise and make it less dramatic for everyone. I could be wrong, though. I hope that you are right about everything in this post, that eventually, people will just forget about it and start acting like they used to. I read the last part and its a very good way to summarize the entire situation. I think the best thing people could do, is to start joking about everything, because that is a great way of breaking the ice about these sort of things. Thanks for the support! Im sorry my reply was late.
  13. I would suggest not mentioning it and lay low in general if you want peace and quiet. Right now being any sort of sexuality other than straight is considered an amazing accomplishment that should be praised and celebrated. While I'm all for acceptance people should respect other's privacy. The problem is that I live in a very small town, so if one person hears it, then in just a few days, the rest of the town knows it, too. Come to think of it, that is not really a problem. The problem is that people (like you say) see this as some sort of accomplishment. Im in love, gee, that sure is something that Ive worked hard for all my life and should be praised for. Edit: I cant just not mention it, because if someone asks me if Im in love, or have someone special, I just cant lie. This is me not thinking that its such a big deal, not understanding that other people might see it like one.
  14. Vent: I have another vent aswell:
  15. I listen to almost every type of music (though mainly metal) but sometimes I like to listen to emo rock/metal... I did it when I was young and I still enjoy it, but I never share it with anyone Wr9C96V70Tk
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