things you don't like about yourself

[rokken]

according to me, there are a lot of things to not like about me. are you like that, too? if so you could probably use this thread to get your thoughts together and try to compile a list to go down one by one and improve on them.

sorry if this is a duplicate topic by the way, i didn't see one but i imagine there was something like this in 8 years

[BTGBullseye]

I have bad teeth. (like very bad, 3 currently broken, 4 removed, and about a dozen cavities)

I have crippling social anxiety.

I have depression.

I'm overweight.

I'm addicted to my computer, partly because it's the only stress reliever that actually works for me.

I'm lonely, and don't feel like any girl would ever take a second look at me because of the previous 5 lines.

 

There's my 6 main problems. (I have no issue sharing, as you can see)

[Lu]

I like the approach of listing things AND going down one by one in order to improve them. As a community, we have known each other for a long time and I believe there is potential for all of us to help each other improve ourselves and our lives. I believe @rokken as the OP you should also give your list of things. 

 

 @BTGBullseye you forgot to list what you can/want to do to improve your 6 main problems. 

 

Here goes my list:

1.I'm kinda mediocre. For all my working life I have done barely enough to get by without having problems. I have never tried to shine or did my best. This is all about to change with my new job that begins on Monday.  I will do my best on this job by overdelivering, going the extra mile and constantly questioning myself on ''How could I have done this better?

 

2.I'm lazy. There have been periods in my life when I feel like improving myself and working towards becoming the best me I can be. And I have done so successfully for some months only to fall back into my laziness pit. Again, this is going to change with my new job. The commercial plaza the office is at has a gym so I'm going to begin exercising again. Apart from going vegan, exercising is one of the best decisions I have ever made. You do not even have to go to a public place. There are dozens of Excercise programs you can torrent or pay to stream to get started at home with little or no equipment. I like PiYo from Beachbody, P90X3 also from BeachBudy and TurboFire. From those PiYo is the one that does not need any equipment. For P90X3 you need a couple of dumbells and a pull-up bar or resistance band. 

 

I also have issues reading. I'd love to read more but I get lazy and prefer to consume a more immediate way of entertainment. I want to set myself a minimum reading time per day just to build the habit. But It's hard. I just went over a period of depression because I was unemployed and could not pay my bills- Now that I got a decent paying job I'm coming out of it, thankfully

 

3. I have hurt people badly in the past. I have been toxic in previous relationships I have been in. Even with my family. I am trying to learn from my mistakes in order to not be like that ever again. I have tried to identify what drove me to those behaviors and keep myself from those things.

 

4. I have shitty self-esteem. I have always thought I'm not as good looking as other people or that I'm too ugly to be able to establish meaningful relationships with people I find attractive or inspiring. The last 2 years have been a journey of creating self-love habits in my life and routines that help me get over this and appreciate what is good in me instead of focusing on what others have and I don't. This is a double edge sword because you DO have to see the potential and good things in you but you cannot let it go to your head. You have to keep being humble but also be sure of what your main positive aspects are as an ever-growing person. 

I will list more as the conversation grows. This is a great opportunity to hold oneself accountable for their issues and think about how to improve them so that in a year, a couple of years or a decade we can move past these issues that have limited us and we can improve as human beings and be happier with our existence.

[Eshanas]

I don't like how my face is so stiff and has a resting bitch face. Near everything else I'm fine with. But I want my face to be more expressive, more animated, more capable of motion. Anime me up, yo. Do I need to  go to some psuedo-yoga thing or something? Like how I managed to control and change my voice, is there something like that for the face?

[Lu]

4 minutes ago, Eshanas said:

I don't like how my face is so stiff and has a resting bitch face. Near everything else I'm fine with. But I want my face to be more expressive, more animated, more capable of motion. Anime me up, yo. Do I need to  go to some psuedo-yoga thing or something? Like how I managed to control and change my voice, is there something like that for the face?

I believe acting classes could help you as being expressive with your facial muscles and tone of voice is essential in acting. Maybe Improv classes could also be a good compliment to that. Yoga is good for helping your body become more flexible and stronger and to help strengthen your mental stability but I don't think it will help with your desire to be more expressive and animated. 

Honestly, you do not even need to get to acting classes. Just look for tutorials and exercises on youtube and other platforms but acting classes would be a SURE way to help. Especially because you have an instructor coaching you all along the way who you can explain to what is your objective with these acting classes. 

I also suggest meeting new people and noticing the way they are expressive. I have copied many mannerisms and ways of expressing myself from friends and am at a point where some people accidentally start copying mine. hehe. 

[Spideymon77]

Yeah, there's plenty of stuff I don't like about myself. To give one example, I feel like I'm way too emotional than I should be. I get jealous easily, but I keep myself in check. Sometimes I feel like I'm too nice and sometimes I feel like I'm too harsh. There's rarely a middle ground for my emotions and logical reasoning.

 

That's my biggest issue, everything else is small or just plain uncontrollable. I'm mostly a chill and happy guy!

[arsenicCatnip]

I hate the set of sexual apparatus I was born with, mostly. Besides that I think I have a pretty healthy self image.

[rokken]

i should do one too? i guess...

Spoiler

this is going to be chunked up into three categories, the immutable stuff (stuff i can't change at all or i can't change right now given my circumstances), the mutable stuff (stuff i can change, i just never really got around to it) and personality stuff (the way i act).

immutable stuff

personal appearance: i'm just generally beefy. my arms are about the same shape as paul harrell's, which isn't something i like. i guess this isn't appearance but i hate my voice, too, i sound like a 14 year old boy trying to be loud but really whispering because he doesn't want his parents to hear in the other room. which, to be fair, the latter half is true...

—→physical sex: yeah i kinda wish the y sperm didn't win. guess which sperm won.

humanity: this ties into the last one, i'm such a big non-fan of the fact i'm a male that a lot of the time i don't like being a human being. i'd love to be a pokémon, especially. probably either squirtle or bulbasaur. the vaporeon is just because i like them. even if i have to keep being a male of whatever species it is, at least they have minimal dimorphism to get upset over.

autism: not that it's necessarily a bad thing, it's just been bad to me. also, professionally diagnosed in 2005.

libido: i don't like how powerful it is. i spend way too much time on it and feel awful afterward, and even in the moment i don't feel particularly good about it. i see it as an annoying biological thing i have to take care of.

mutable stuff

work ethic: i have none.

time i wake up: 7:30 on weekdays (when i really should wake up at 6:30 so i can get to school at 7:30) and like 1:10 pm on weekends.

math competency: despite wanting to go into the mechanical engineering field (especially in the commercial nuclear power or arms sectors) i have an sat math score of 520. 49th percentile. that's not... good. i still do have a 1200 so i can go to mtsu, ttu, or msu, but it's not exactly something to be proud of either.

hair: it's short on my head and long on the rest of my body, when i want it to be long on my head and mostly nonexistent on my body.

personal appearance: i'm kinda fat. i should work out but i'm too lazy to.

self harm: i do it on occasion.

personality stuff

jealousy: i get jealous, like a lot. two of my friends got into a relationship and they're really going at it, and whenever they talk about it i get super jealous. not that they got the other person, but that they're in a relationship at all. i also feel that way about things that aren't relationships but that was the best example i could think of.

not communicating well: i tend to do things and just kind of assume people are going to understand why i do them.

pettiness: i'm not above making someone wonder if i've killed myself if i'm feeling particularly terrible that day.

quick to anger: it's really easy to make me mad, even if i don't show it.

anxiety: basically everything i do i second guess after. see: the amount of times i've edited this post.

spoilered so people can pass by it if they don't care, which i assume is going to be most people.

17 minutes ago, Annie said:

I hate the set of sexual apparatus I was born with, mostly. Besides that I think I have a pretty healthy self image.

same about that first half, haha

Edited August 10, 2019 by rokken (see edit history)

[Spideymon77]

37 minutes ago, rokken said:

physical sex: yeah i kinda wish the y sperm didn't win. guess which sperm won.

I used to feel this way. I think my issue was that I kept my bisexuality in the closet. This isn't the case for everyone though, just my case.

 

39 minutes ago, rokken said:

quick to anger: it's really easy to make me mad, even if i don't show it.

anxiety: basically everything i do i second guess after. see: the amount of times i've edited this post.

I'm exactly the same way.

I usually suppress it then take it all out when I listen to music and run.

I would've never posted on a forum when I was self-conscious and anxious. I consider my online appearance as my actual appearance so I don't want people to dislike me. I've also edited my post several times and it's not even that long!

[arsenicCatnip]

47 minutes ago, rokken said:

same about that first half, haha

I feel like there's a higher occurrence of trans people in Ross's fanbase than other places on the internet. There are 5 or 6 on this forum that I know of.

[BTGBullseye]

16 hours ago, Luis said:

 @BTGBullseye you forgot to list what you can/want to do to improve your 6 main problems. 

Indeed, partly because I'm trying to figure out what to do about them. If I focus too hard on what I want to do, it can prevent me from finding something that will actually help.

[arsenicCatnip]

1 hour ago, BTGBullseye said:

Indeed, partly because I'm trying to figure out what to do about them. If I focus too hard on what I want to do, it can prevent me from finding something that will actually help.

There's not really much to figure out about depression. The solutions are there, the problem is when you lack any motivation to put them in to action. Depression is a vicious cycle.

[Spideymon77]

2 hours ago, Annie said:

The solutions are there, the problem is when you lack any motivation to put them in to action.

It's also really hard to embrace those solutions. Sometimes it requires moving on and we usually don't want to move on, but moving on is the best thing we can do.

[BTGBullseye]

8 hours ago, Annie said:

There's not really much to figure out about depression. The solutions are there, the problem is when you lack any motivation to put them in to action. Depression is a vicious cycle.

The question I keep coming back to is: What solution is there that isn't going to absolutely ruin my life? Medication will take a MINIMUM of a year to get, and it will not allow me to have any ups... (I'd rather suffer the downs and have some ups than have neither) I'm already in therapy for the anxiety and depression, which are directly linked each other, and there is nothing more I can do so far for either at this time. It already took 6 months just to get called to see if I was still interested in therapy because there was finally an opening...

[Spideymon77]

29 minutes ago, BTGBullseye said:

The question I keep coming back to is: What solution is there that isn't going to absolutely ruin my life? Medication will take a MINIMUM of a year to get, and it will not allow me to have any ups... (I'd rather suffer the downs and have some ups than have neither) I'm already in therapy for the anxiety and depression, which are directly linked each other, and there is nothing more I can do so far for either at this time. It already took 6 months just to get called to see if I was still interested in therapy because there was finally an opening...

Definitely take that therapy. It's very useful to have someone to talk to and help you solve your problems. I used to be depressed and I didn't need any medication to make me better, but people have different stories than mine.

[Lu]

3 hours ago, BTGBullseye said:

The question I keep coming back to is: What solution is there that isn't going to absolutely ruin my life? Medication will take a MINIMUM of a year to get, and it will not allow me to have any ups... (I'd rather suffer the downs and have some ups than have neither) I'm already in therapy for the anxiety and depression, which are directly linked each other, and there is nothing more I can do so far for either at this time. It already took 6 months just to get called to see if I was still interested in therapy because there was finally an opening...

Anti-depressants will not take away the ''ups'' in your life. And if they do, you can get off them and try with different meds. It is not a guarantee you will find the right meds for you the first time but if you don't you have to talk it over with your health expert so that you try something else until you find something that works. The question you should be asking is ''Why am I not doing anything to prevent my lack of action in this matter from ruining my life?'' You have to keep actively trying to make things better in order to improve things. Even if the benefits are not being felt in the short-term. 

A couple of my friends have struggled with depression. I have also struggled with it and struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. 

Sometimes we want short term solutions only when the only kind of solution available is long term. It is a great first step to start getting involved with therapy. Talking to somebody helps us arrange our thoughts and understand them better than if we just keep them bottled up inside our head and let them roam in there without being expressed. I am sure that you will make progress if you continue going to therapy

In my experience with the friends that have taken medication, depression sets in and becomes a way of being and living, you co-exist with it and it becomes a part of you. That is when it starts being destructive because little by little it takes your strength away. 

 

 The meds are a way for your brain to get used to having the right chemical balance it should have. They are like a temporary boost to help you remember what you should feel like without the depression. That boost will help you put some things in order in your life and make the necessary lifestyle changes you need to make in order to improve. Then, after making those changes and feeling better because you made them, you may feel able to stop taking the meds and resume your life without them with this new balance that they helped you achieve. 

Of course, I'm not a psychiatrist. There are people who cannot keep the proper chemical balance in their brain on their own and need the medication indefinitely. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. One should always do what is needed to feel well. 

My first advice to you (and ANYONE struggling with anxiety and depression) would be to start working out little by little. I can advise you on programs you can use to get started which include different levels of intensity for beginners, intermediates and seasoned people. I can even give you the torrents you need to download them. The habit of working out is the first line of defense you need to establish in your brain. It will make your mental state stronger so you can bear with the bad stuff better and shitty things don't affect you as much. You will feel better because you are actively doing something to better yourself. You will feel you are achieving things little by little, even if you don't work out more than 15 minutes a day. 

With that, you will get more and more strength to start doing things to change that status quo and establish healthy habits that will help you little by little get better. Being OK is something that must be built up by working on improving your lifestyle and committing on improving so that you little by little feel better. And when you start making progress you will ask ''Why didn't I start doing this earlier? it feels great!'' 

 

Believe me. I feel so much better when I work out on a daily basis than when I do not. 

Sorry if I seem preachy about all of this but I have seen really close people be fucked by depression. I have been at their side when they don't feel like things can get better but I have also seen them slowly get over it by actively doing things to improve themselves. A couple has been able to completely get out of the vicious circle @Annie mentioned but it is not easy. Having people accompany you through the way makes things a lot easier but at the end of the day, the only person who can actually improve things is you. But people that are close to you and like you can make a ton of difference encouraging you. And that is exactly what we are here for the dude. Even if we haven't met in real life. :)

 

[BTGBullseye]

I've literally tried all those do-it-yourself things to try and combat depression... At best it does nothing, usually it just makes things worse.

 

As for the medication part, mental health services in this country are horrible. First off, at minimum it's a year just to get an appointment with someone who can diagnose and prescribe. Then you have to get lucky with the meds that help. Then you have to convince employers that it's not going to interfere with your job. (NOT easy, let me tell you... WAY too many horror stories... They don't want to employ someone who could suddenly disappear either by dying, or just in a depressive episode, both making their company look bad) Then you have to get lucky with NOT having any side effects of the meds. (which is unlikely for me, because I'm weird, as a family trait)

 

In short, I see no reason to put faith in the hell that is modern mental health services and medications in this country.

[Icebox]

9 hours ago, BTGBullseye said:

I've literally tried all those do-it-yourself things to try and combat depression... At best it does nothing, usually it just makes things worse.

 

As for the medication part, mental health services in this country are horrible. First off, at minimum it's a year just to get an appointment with someone who can diagnose and prescribe. Then you have to get lucky with the meds that help. Then you have to convince employers that it's not going to interfere with your job. (NOT easy, let me tell you... WAY too many horror stories... They don't want to employ someone who could suddenly disappear either by dying, or just in a depressive episode, both making their company look bad) Then you have to get lucky with NOT having any side effects of the meds. (which is unlikely for me, because I'm weird, as a family trait)

 

In short, I see no reason to put faith in the hell that is modern mental health services and medications in this country.

Or if you try to get help they brush it off like it's nothing to worry about.

[BTGBullseye]

That happens a LOT too. Especially from anyone not a phsycotherapist/psychiatrist/psychologist of some kind.

[Icebox]

Poor memory and I get really focused on minor or random things.