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"Corrupt a Wish"

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Granted, you have godlike powers and the mind of a mere mortal, therefore you cannot comprehend your existence and blow up the entire time-space continuum of every parallel universe ever.

 

I wish I went back in time and prevented myself from wishing this wish.

Maximum fuck about to be given in 3... 2... 1...

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Granted, but when you go back in time, you turn yourself into a crazywoman.

 

I wish powersliding for half a second would calm tigers.

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Granted, but you are unable to do it, and a tiger decides it wants to eat you.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, but the computer can only have 640 bytes of ROM; you have to load all your programs via 8" floppies because there's no hard drive.

 

I wish walking people at stores, malls and other similar locations would follow the rules of the road; so, if you drive on the right side the road, you hug the right side of the hall/thoroughfare so that you don't block the flow of traffic.

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Granted, but those chips you're picking up? Hugged by all those rule-followers for however long it's been on the shelf.

 

I wish I was capable of love.

I love you, yet can't stand to know you exist.

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Wish granted, however you are now incapable of feeling shame. I'll let you do the math on that one.

 

I wish I had a photographic memory.

"I aim for the stars, but sometimes I hit London." - Wernher von Braun

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Wish granted, it's the series finale and it's a 10 minute episode based on Cupcakes.

 

I wish I didn't feel sick right now.

"I aim for the stars, but sometimes I hit London." - Wernher von Braun

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Wish granted, however you are now brain-dead.

 

I wish I didn't have to sleep.

"I aim for the stars, but sometimes I hit London." - Wernher von Braun

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Wish granted, you now have everything you could dream of, including all known diseases and ailments.

 

I wish...I could find good fanfics.

"I aim for the stars, but sometimes I hit London." - Wernher von Braun

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Granted, but they're all in a non-human language.

 

I wish out of print books were readily available again.

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