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"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

— Proverbs 11:2, The Bible

So I've been thinking about it for a long time and I might as well spill my mind out on to you guys.

I hate how I am and how I've been acting recently. I'm changing.

Yes, I know it's me that does this, but it's impulsive. And I'm not talking about being more confrontational.

Recently I've been increasingly bringing being a homosexual up in inappropriate situations. I noticed it first when I would make gay jokes with my friends when something they said was suggestive. It was funny at first, but now it's just a habit. There's finding humour in yourself and there's exploiting one feature of yourself repeatedly for attention. Guess what this one is.

I want to stop, but I just forget every time and bring it up.

It wasn't like this even a year ago, and back then it was even worse, I thought I was transgender for a little while because there was a little bit of lingering confusion around puberty.

So why am I bringing it up so often? I don't know. I suspect it may be that it's the initial rush of thinking "I'll tell the world", despite being annoyed by that precise behaviour. Another suspect could be the increasingly strong political polarisation based on percieved (whether true or not) injustices to such people. I may be hanging around the wrong people, even.

But what if it isn't?

What if I stay like that? I don't want to, I don't think that it's particularly important to 92% of, well, really anything. It's more annoying than helpful, relevant, or dare I say interesting. And yet I'm afraid that it will happen.

And that people will congratulate me on being so strong, when in reality that couldn't be farther from the truth.

And guess what doesn't help?

The community. The community I ever so loathe and wish gone. The one I'm not and will never willingly be a part of.

I have seen so much bigotry from the community heterosexuals and transsexuals alike ought to be afraid of us. I realise that individuals are individuals and all, but associating yourself entails accepting the public perception as your own. Why do you think people join leather jacket & mutton chop biker gangs, for instance? To knit? No, it's to look to other people as hardened and cool on their bikes.

So at some point the people who willingly associate themselves with this behaviour ought to take responsibility, because they see this and think "yes, this is what I am."

The community that says that your opinion is more valid if you have a rainbow flag somewhere on your profile.

Plastering the rainbow loses me points from you.

And yet. . .I'm months away from plastering it as my avatar. Taking the little red pill of ideas doesn't seem to work.

I think it's a good idea to quit while I'm ahead. Get off the Internet for a month or two, and see if I get better. If not, then I'm afraid it is permanent. If it is, one more post. If not, I come back after just a little while. You wouldn't even know the difference.

Edited by Guest

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I'm going to say take a month or two off. Remove all the negativity in your life. If you have toxic friends, leave them, they're only hurting you. If you want, maybe read more verses from the Bible, I recommend Romans 1:26-28

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This c++ class is gonna be the death of me because it's taught by a possible genius who probably doesn't even realize he's a genius. The reason that's a problem is because the class lectures are like " 'c++ for dummies' for dummies " as we're tediously covering and dissecting every simple programming command and concept as if the people in this class have never seen an if statement before, but then the homework assignments come along and no one can figure out how to do it. Even I'm struggling with this. The worst part about it is the solution is always like 10-20 lines of code yet it involves techniques that'd require an intricate understanding of math operations and how numbers tend to interact with each other.



the assignment this week is to create a function that checks if a number is a palindrome, meaning the number is the same backwards and forwards. So here I am brainstorming for 2 days to come up with this thing that uses division and remainders to extract specific digits off the number and store it in an array, as well as reversed and then compare the 2 digit for digit, and it got real messy. Then the instructor example comes along and, well, a-this bullshit:


bool isPalindrome(int x) 
   int i = 0;

   // negative number or any multiples of 10 except 0 cannot be a palindrome
   if (x<0 || (x!=0 && x%10==0)) return false;

   while (i < x) 
       i = i*10 + x%10;
       x /= 10;

   if (i==x || (i/10==x)) return true;
   return false;


basically it takes the far right digit off of the first number and moves it onto the second number until the second number is larger than the first. Then, if the second, larger number divided by 10 = the first number then it's a palindrome. WHAT IN THE HOW THE WHO THE FUCK I WOULDN'T HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF THAT. I knew modulus 10 and division 10 could be used to get the individual digits while shaving down a number 1 digit at a time but I never even considered to just do it until the sizes have swapped then divide by 10 to see if it's a palindrome.


I seriously hope that this is just an anomaly in the assignments because if every assignment for the rest of the semester requires you have a spicy, intimate relationship with numbers and know all of it's dirty little secrets then I'm gonna have a hard time. And I already have experience with code. I'm honestly more afraid for the one's who've never really done any coding before.


Also I used to love palindromes before this week but now I never want to see them ever again. I don't even want to hear the name. <_<

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I'm going to say take a month or two off. Remove all the negativity in your life. If you have toxic friends, leave them, they're only hurting you. If you want, maybe read more verses from the Bible, I recommend Romans 1:26-28

Even after the hassle I've given you over the last two days, I still must say thank you for the advice.

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I say the most important thing is that you continue being an individual. Don't do things you consider stupid because people expect to be able to easily put you in a group.

Do what you want to do, and be proud of what you do and who you are. That's what being an individual is all about!

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I made a mistake that ended up najorly changing the meaning of my last post. It's fixed now. I do not think that putting it on your sleeve is strong.

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Death Note is a thriller detective drama anime. Not action packed. Light is a well dressed polite well educated clean high school/college student. L is well educated messy straight to the point dirty high school/college aged person who loves sweets. IMDB has Lakeith Stanfield as L. Haven't seen anything he's in, but how the hell he's going to pull off being L is beyond me. They even changed the Yagami surname to Turner. As in Light Turner. Misa Amane is now Mia Sutton. So much is different. The only good thing so far is Ryuk's name the same Light is still known as Kira, and Williem Dafoe is voicing Ryuk. If so many bloody changes were going to be made, why even bother adapting the thing in the first place!? This is 4Kids level of change.

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From what I've heard, the new Death Note series isn't mean to add-on/replace/copy the original anime series. It's just a side-on thing that has a completely different plot and is no way meant to accurately reflect the original. Like a parody almost, except instead of it being satire it's something else. lol

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Im confused

Im angry

I feel great anxiety, even though I dont really care, except I do

Im in love but Im not

People just seem to laugh at my problems

I feel like I have nowhere to turn, but at the same time, I kinda do

I procrastinate even though I know that it will cost me my apartment

I see no reason in anything even though I still do

I get pissed at people when they cant leave me the fuck alone when I tell them that I want to be alone

Everyone just wants sex, nobody wants love

People try to manipulate me for sex

I cant find myself in this mess

The person I love, I always let go because I figure he isnt interested but then, always, never an exception, he gets in touch the next day.

Meanwhile all these fucking people just want to get high, get drunk and have sex

I hate them so fucking much, I just want to punch someone in the face.

A family member of mine laughed at me when I said that I might have Borderline disorder

Friends use me, makes me apply myself just for them to go: "Eh, fuck it. You stayed up all night, spent your money on coffee and energy drinks and gasoline so that you could pick me up at 10am, so that I would be in time for a job interview? Well guess what, Im not fucking going."

Again, all I have are my family, a few friends and my music.

I help everyone but nobody seems to help me or even understand, except family one friend and music as usual.


I dont want to keep playing this stupid game. I dont want to kill myself, I just dont want to keep going.

I dont know what the fuck to do, Im slowly getting pulled back to my roots of hating everything. I dont know why I tried to fool myself that it was any different.

I tried to be a happy and helpful person but Im so fucking done with that shit, since life likes to remind me that its all a big pile of shit.

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@Doublenature: Sorry to hear about all that mate. I really do hope things get better. :(


OT: If my parents could stop eating my food, taking my shit, and re-organizing my stuff, that'd be nice.

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Why does the comment section (on Youtube videos) exist?



*Watches a video on AVGN/Cinemassacre*


*90% of the comments about Mike's big cock*

*10% of the comments about people wondering why people are talking about Mike's big cock*



*Watches a ReviewtechUSA video*


*80% of the comments about weird sex fetishes/daydreams with Rich/commenting about masturbating to Rich*

*20% of the comments are trolls, memes, and trolls using memes*



*Watches an Angry Joe video*


*If video game review 99% of the comments are praising the review/Joe/Other Joe*


*1% of the comments about white knights sarcastically complaining about lack of other content*


*If something other than video game review 80% of the comments are people complaining about the lack of content (Joe is best known for his reviews), wondering why Joe doesn't keep his promises, wondering why Joe doesn't have a second channel, and wondering why Joe only lets some of his viewers what's going on*


*20% of the comments bringing up that it's 'Angry Joe Show' not 'Angry Joe does Only Does Video Game Reviews', sucking Joe's dick, saying that reviews take time (yeah no shit Sherlock, besides that hasn't stopped Joe in the past), and saying how Joe doesn't owe anybody anything (No one's saying that, we just want the old Joe back)*

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It's five fucking am and I wake up to hearing my sister who sleeps in the same room as me (sexually) moaning and groaning on the phone with her boyfriend. Fucking hell. I was fine with putting up with that earlier in the DAY when I could slap on some headphones and listen to music. But it's five fucking am. Go. The. Fuck. To. Sleep. You. Horny. Piece. Of. Shit. You've got fucking school tomorrow. Just go to sleep. Fucking fucker. I'm... TIRED. AS ALL FUCK. BUT I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU CAUSE I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO INTERRUPT ME EITHER. ARRGGHHHHHHH


Kill me

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It's five fucking am and I wake up to hearing my sister who sleeps in the same room as me (sexually) moaning and groaning on the phone with her boyfriend.




If you're going to do something like that, go somewhere where you're alone, and won't disturb others.

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Horny kids these days, amiright?

I'm just going to hope I can have a nap later cause 3-4 hours of sleep ain't gonna help me much.

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Seems some people let their kids know about adult stuff way too quickly(or the kids are secretly learning about them when no one's looking(doesn't mean I wasn't one of them :oops: )).

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