Joke Thread.

[Razor235]

Saudi Arabia is importing sand from the Sahara for their beaches.

 

*facedesk*

[Mr. ShinyObject]

Me: "Have you seen that new Minecraft update?"

Him: "Yeah, lots of great stuff. What are you interested in?"

Me: "To quote Reading Rainbow: 'I can go twice as high.'"

[Chuckthe2nd]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

[WonSul]

This isn't a joke in words so much as it is just pure hilarious joy.

VwwOhGLV8o8

 

Check out some of his other vids if you want your face to hurt.

[Martin]

"Yoda, are you sure we're going the right way?"

"Off-course, we are."

[J.C.]

Breaking News: the Psychic Network went out of business, due to unforeseen financial difficulties.

[Jek Jek Roo]

"Ich bin Laden"

[J.C.]

What? Was that a joke? Seemed more like a random statement. Here, let me fix that for you. How about a coffee house joke?

 

"Aber Herr Ober, der Kaffee ist ja kalt!"

"Gut, dass Sie mir das sagen, mein Herr! Eiskaffee kostet nämlich einen Euro mehr ..."

[Jek Jek Roo]

What? Was that a joke? Seemed more like a random statement. Here, let me fix that for you. How about a coffee house joke?

 

"Aber Herr Ober, der Kaffee ist ja kalt!"

"Gut, dass Sie mir das sagen, mein Herr! Eiskaffee kostet nämlich einen Euro mehr ..."

 

No. I think you haven't got the reference: Ich bin Laden

 

But well.... Nevermind then.

[HLPrincess]

So I go to my quantum mechanic and say "Hey, my particles are acting like waves. Can you fix that?"

 

He says, "Sure, I'll take a look at it."

 

AHAHAHA! I'm so happy I understood it! And it made me laugh! So it's a double fun

[Dr. Derpy Hooves Ph.D]

A man walks into a bar a bar and says

"GOD DAMN THAT HURT!"

[Razor235]

What do you get when you try to cross train tracks in a refrigerator?

 

Killed.

[scott155]

What do you get when you put portals on train tracks?

 

 

 

[Mr. ShinyObject]

what do you call a cow with no legs?

 

Ground beef.

[HLPrincess]

(This may not be so funny if you're not from such a christian country like I am )

 

A woman goes to a priest and says: I want to baptize my cat.

priest: Baptize a cat?! You can't baptize a cat! You just don't do it!

woman: But I really want to baptize my cat.

priest: NO WAY! YOU JUST DON'T BAPTIZE CATS!

woman: I'll pay you well.

priest: Oh.. Well... How much?

wwoamn: 15 thousands.

priest: Alright! I'll baptize your cat.

 

After some time, a bishop heard about that even and met with the priest.

 

Bishop: How could you baptize a cat?! WE DON'T BAPTIZE CATS!

priest: But this woman paid me well, bishop!

bishop: How much?

priest: 15 thousands!

bishop: Priest, prepare the cat for the Confirmation!

[Jek Jek Roo]

I'm not sure is the grammar ok, but still.. if not, don't kill me, cause I found them as they looks like:

 

Stirlitz entered in the cafe "Elefant". "It's Stirlitz, the fight will be here!"- said one of the visitors to another.

Stirlitz drank a cup of coffee and get out.

"No, - said the second visitor - it wasn't Stirlitz."

"No, it was Stirlitz!" - cried the first. And then a fight started.

 

There was more of them but I think they just put them into google translate from russian into english ;/

[Martin]

[Chuckthe2nd]

Microsoft at E3.

[scott155]

[Doctor Felix Whooves]

So there is this one hic family that has 9 kids, the parings went to the doctor to make it so they can't have any more kids. The doctor asks why after 9 kids are you doing this now? The parents replied "well we heard that 1 in 10 kids born in America is a Mexican, and we don't want to lern spanish

 

 

 

 

 

 

True story