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"Corrupt a Wish"

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Granted. Now you can never sit still.

 

I wish toddlers would stop chasing me. (She doesn't get it. She can't follow me everywhere. And saying her aunt Kari followed me there once doesn't make it any better!)

"Reality has a well-known liberal bias." -Stephen Colbert.

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Granted. Now you can never sit still.

I never could to begin with, so nothing changed. :)

 

I wish toddlers would stop chasing me. (She doesn't get it. She can't follow me everywhere. And saying her aunt Kari followed me there once doesn't make it any better!)

Granted, instead of following you everywhere, they go there just before you do... Every... Single... Time.

 

I wish life was less realistic.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Not granted, because if the rules of life changed, the new rules would define "realistic".

 

I wish these wishes had some sounder logic.

"Reality has a well-known liberal bias." -Stephen Colbert.

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Granted, they all make noise when you read them. Really loud noise.

 

I wish my car got better gas mileage.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted miles are now a shorter unit of measurement.

 

I wish people wouldn't look at me funny whenever I pet animals, pick flowers, or cry at sad movies.

I'm in a good mood... on the internet... better enjoy it while it lasts.

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Granted, you are now female.

 

I wish that work wasn't important.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, but now you are complacent as hell and neglect to care for yourself.

 

I wish Russia would stop invading Ukraine and subjecting them to a dictatorship none of them wanted.

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Granted. Russia stops invading, but the entire EU decides to join under Russian rule.

 

I wish I had more wishes.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, but they only exist in your head, and they kill you there repeatedly.

 

I wish for rain.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, but now you're so important that you can never sleep again as the demands on your time quickly unmanageable.

 

I wish I could have more energy.

The Official Accursed Farms Subtitles Compendium: https://goo.gl/aTBvzj

--

Project Manager for Ross's Movie

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Granted, you get electrocuted.

 

I wish energy was less energetic.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, all the forces of the universe are now weakened immensely, the universe is screwed, and scientists are too tired to be fascinated by it. Politicians claim it's all lies before they fall apart.

 

I wish I could use my old Moto Razr, and still have the functionality of my smart phone.

I'm in a good mood... on the internet... better enjoy it while it lasts.

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Granted, 6 pigs run you over. (each weighs about 1200lbs)

 

I wish people would quit assuming what my opinions are.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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You've already got it.

 

I wish for a perfect singing voice, so people wouldn't mind me singing along to my headphones anymore.

"Reality has a well-known liberal bias." -Stephen Colbert.

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Granted, but it's useless without lungs.

 

I wish for lungs.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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