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"Corrupt a Wish"

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Granted, sometime in your past you had $100.

 

I wish for moderate fame, and significant fortune for myself, and everyone on this forum.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, but now that "moderate fame" is infamy and that "significant fortune" is blood money.

 

I wish I had some Doritos.

The Official Accursed Farms Subtitles Compendium: https://goo.gl/aTBvzj

--

Project Manager for Ross's Movie

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That's okay. There's enough preservatives in those things to mummify a small dog. But, your wish is granted, but it's made of dark matter and, thus, weighs the equivalent of sports stadium.

 

I now wish I hadn't stubbed my toe on my computer table.

The Official Accursed Farms Subtitles Compendium: https://goo.gl/aTBvzj

--

Project Manager for Ross's Movie

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Granted, but only because someone else did it to make it look like they hadn't killed you.

 

I wish this feeling would last forever.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, a McD's building drops out of the sky killing you.

 

I wish feelings weren't.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, but it still isn't working for you.

 

I wish that "..." wasn't called an ellipsis.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted, now nobody knows what it is and people start going insane trying to figure it out.

 

I wish Rule 34 didn't exist.

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Granted, it is now rule 1, and rule 34 is missing. All corollaries are still there, but now refer to rule 1.

 

I wish that things would get better.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted... It's made of bovine feces, and was shoved into your face.

 

I wish that people everywhere would realize that pizza is a type of pie.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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Granted... It's the kind you deliver to the sewer in Borderlands 2...

 

I wish all pain everywhere would go away.

Don't insult me. I have trained professionals to do that.

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